was hearing. You’re really hard on yourself. You know that, right?”
“Am I? Because, the way I see it, I’m about to attend a rally to lend my support to a man who isn’t just against everything I am but is actively trying to remove what little progress we’ve made as a community. And I use that we loosely because I sure haven’t done a damn thing to make myself a part of it.”
“But you will. I have no doubt you will. You just have to give yourself time to get there. There’s no timeline on coming out. It isn’t for anyone to say when you decide to put yourself out there.”
“I know that, but I don’t just feel like I’m hiding. I feel like I’m doing harm.” And that was the thing that kept me up at night. This wasn’t just about me. This was about all the people my father hurt with his politics.
“No, your father is doing harm. You’re figuring out who you are. And how you want to take your stand, and figuring out who you don’t want to be is an important part of that process. Now come on down and have your tea so it has time to settle before the rally.”
“Yes, Dad,” I called after him as he headed down the hall.
The energy at the rally wasn’t good. That happened sometimes. You get a few people or a group there that was unhappy, and it spread, and before you know it, even the people who were excited to be there were angry and difficult. Roman was on high alert, standing off to the side and watching the crowd. The first part went okay. A few people were in the crowd calling out for gun control, which was like slapping the people in this crowd across the face with your glove.
The event security had to break up a couple of fights, but they managed the crowd effectively. When the first skirmish broke out, I glanced over at Roman to see his reaction. He stood there, body poised for action, but he was watching the crowd and not the group that was fighting. Those people were removed from the event, and the rally continued. Every time a gun control group showed up at a rally—I held my breath just waiting for someone to get shot.
When the second altercation happened, it was nearer to where I stood. I watched as security fought their way into the crowd to get to the men who were fighting, and like the first time, Roman just watched. I was sure he could have made it there much faster than the event security, but he didn’t move. I’d been so distracted by his reactions to the crowd, I realized I’d made it all the way through the rally without my nerves taking over. My father did his normal ending and waved us off stage. I exited off to the right where Roman stood waiting.
“Do you need to get to the restroom?” he asked.
“No, actually, I’m okay today. I was distracted by the fighting and wondering if you would leap into the crowd like a live-action hero and save the day,” I said with a chuckle.
“Yeah, if only my job was actually that exciting. Unfortunately, I haven’t had an opportunity to leap into a crowd in months.” He laughed.
“Well, that’s a shame.”
“It is. You should see me. I’m quite impressive.”
“I’m sure you are,” I said, laughing as we made our way to the car.
“Honestly, though,” he said in a more serious tone, “it’s hard to stand there and watch them fight and not do anything. I’m always afraid someone will get hurt when I could have prevented it. But working security, especially at an event like this, requires that I keep my focus on what I’m there to protect, it would be so easy for an attacker to orchestrate a distraction like those fights and use my shifted attention to harm the person I was there to protect.”
“That makes perfect sense,” I agreed.
He smiled at me and gave me a shoulder bump. “I’m glad I was a good distraction today, though. I hate that you usually have such a hard time up there.”
I nodded an acknowledgment of what he said but didn’t say anything. He was only my bodyguard, so it made no sense to me that his caring whether or not I struggled mattered as much as it did. When we got in the SUV, I said, “Hey, want to go get