Saving Grapes - Madeline Kirby Page 0,58
yes, but I didn’t want to seem, uh, like a pervert or anything.”
“No, you do not. It is something a partner would worry about. And Mr. Caldwell is in a great deal of pain. The comforts, both physical and emotional, would do him good.”
“Thank you. I’ll, um, keep it in mind.”
He watched as Alex loaded his gear into his Subaru wagon and drove down the hill. He hadn’t told Thom the big plan yet. Everyone had agreed that he should be the one to do it, and he was prepared to. Right now, though, Thom was probably in a foul mood after a strenuous therapy session. He wanted to think a handjob or a blowjob would mellow Thom out enough to put him in the mood for a conversation, but right now he doubted that Thom would let him get close enough to touch him.
Ben went back inside to fix Thom’s lunch and prepare himself for a confrontation.
Thom could tell by the expression on Ben’s face that he was surprised to see Thom sitting at the dining table that had been pushed up against one wall.
“Is it okay for you to be up like this?” Ben asked, setting the lunch tray down on the table.
“Alex said I should try,” Thom made himself answer. The silent treatment wasn’t working and being angry was getting exhausting.
“And you’ll do anything Alex tells you to?” Ben asked him, smiling a little, but not enough to show his dimple.
“Not anything. But this seemed to make sense. Why?”
“No reason,” Ben shrugged, still smiling. He started taking plates off the tray and setting places for both of them to eat.
“You’re eating lunch with me?”
“Why wouldn’t I? We eat lunch together all the time.”
“That was – that was before. This is different.” Thom looked down at his plate and thought about how clumsy he was going to look trying to feed himself with his left hand.
“It’s the same. I like having lunch with you.”
Thom picked up half of a grilled cheese sandwich and thought maybe he could get that to his mouth without too much trouble.
“Where is everybody?” Thom asked after he’d eaten a couple of bites.
“Steve is out in the vineyard with Chuck, Dad’s in town doing some shopping, and Mindy’s at school. It’s just you and me until the occupational therapist gets here.” Ben leaned towards him and put a little extra drawl into his voice. “Why? What’d you have in mind?”
“Nothing! Just wondering. And I’m – I probably shouldn’t be doing anything – you know – like that.”
Ben sat back and took a bite of his sandwich. “You know, orgasms release endorphins. They’re like, a natural pain reliever. And if you get addicted, I’ll be happy to give you a fix anytime you like.”
Thom rolled his eyes, but didn’t say anything.
“Okay, fine. Just keep it in mind. You could relax and let me take care of everything.” Ben reached over and traced the outline of Thom’s jaw. “I’d be happy to, especially if it helped you feel better.”
“That’s just it, don’t you see? I don’t want a – a pity fuck or whatever. I don’t want you taking care of me. It makes me feel – I feel –”
“What? What does it make you feel?”
“Useless. Old and useless. Happy now?”
“Of course not. But what if it had been me? What if I had been the one who went to the shed and got hurt? Because what happened to you could just as easily have happened to me. I’d like to think you’d want to take care of me.”
Thom turned his attention back to his plate. He couldn’t meet Ben’s eyes because he knew that everything the younger man was saying was true. And if Ben had been the one injured he would be doing everything he could to take care of him and get him well. He didn’t even realize he was crying until he felt the first tear roll past his nose and catch at the corner of his mouth. Then Ben was kneeling at his side and dabbing at his face with a napkin.
“Don’t. Please, I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry.”
“No,” Thom took a shuddering breath, “I’m the one who should be sorry. I’ve been a total asshole. I should be grateful. I know all you want to do is help.”
“Well, to be honest I also miss that fat dick of yours.”
Thom had to laugh at that – Ben had a talent for making him blush and laugh at