“I’m up for it. You know that. It’s just that I’m drowning in this thing, Ma… I can’t get any air. I want to take this to the next level, but there’s a chance she could say no.”
“Yeah, because that’s not something you can control.”
“And you know I hate that. I hate not knowing what comes next. I can’t always predict her next move, Ma. That’s the magic of her.”
“Accept her for who she is. Never try to change her, Nixon. Marry who she is RIGHT NOW, and as you two grow, make sure you grow together.” He grasped the fabric of her robe in a tight fist. He knew that was a warning from a page out of her own life – a marriage chock full mishaps and wrong directions. Visions of him as a little boy snuggled up against her one rainy afternoon rushed to his head. He was sick, and Ma let him come into her bedroom and watch cartoons.
She smelled like broth and hard candy. I must’ve fallen asleep and I remember lookin’ over at her, and she was painting her toenails. She had a soap opera on. Turning to me, she kissed my forehead and said, ‘I’m going to make you some homemade chicken soup. The broth is already done. I made it while you were sleeping.’ She pulled the sheets all around my body, kissed my cheek, and left to finish the soup. Then she fed it to me. I was weak, coughing… I hated being ill, but somehow, Ma made me feel better. She made me feel strong.
“Ma, I think I figured it out. I feel weak right now. Sick. I could never let Yasmine see me like this, how I’m letting you see me right now.”
“Nix, how do you think I’m seeing you right now?” She pulled away, forcing him to sit up. His stomach was now in such tight knots, he felt nauseous. It was as if his entire world was on display.
“You see me as frightened.”
“No, honey. I see ya as brave.” She wrapped her arms around him once again and squeezed.
“I’m not concerned about being alone, Ma. It’s about dreading that one day, I won’t be good enough, that I won’t make her happy anymore. I never knew I could love this hard until she came along… She took me on a ride. It’s been exhilarating. Even the moments when we’re just lying there, not speaking, holding each other, she… she gives me peace. She’s the quiet in my storm. It took a lot of soul searching on my part to get here. I’m telling myself things about me, Ma. Things I never would’ve been able to admit before. She’s seen my ugliness… and she still loves me.”
“That means it’s real. She accepts you as you are. Like I told you, it’s a ride.”
“Let the dips, dives, twirls and whirls begin…”
“He has the same ol’ straggly strands of hair, all three of them, lopped over like a soft dick on top of his speckled egg head,” Yasmine murmured as she adjusted her light gray suit jacket.
Her temper was soaring, and she held onto her professionalism by a thin, tattered thread. She glanced at her reflection in one of the big conference room windows. Today, she’d chosen this pant suit, paired with a thin black turtleneck and her favorite black and rhinestone Jimmy Choo heels. Gathering her belongings, she stuffed them in her suitcase and was ready to leave when Terrell approached her. Now, the other attorneys were gone. The meeting they’d just had was disastrous and she’d once again been made to look like the bad guy. She glared at him. His blue gaze dripped with weakness. She hated weakness for it stunk like fermented garbage on a hot August day.
“I’m sorry you’re so upset, Yasmine,” he stated mildly as he threw up his hands. “I hope this doesn’t mean that you’re considering leaving the firm. I’m certain other cases will come your way that will be even—”
“Terrell, let me cut you off right there. After everything that I’ve presented you with today, you are still letting this man run over you. That’s telling. I wanted to believe you were ignorant of all the facts and tried to give you the benefit of the doubt. Well, you know what? You might be his stool pigeon, but I can make you a promise right here, right now. That motherfucker is not going to run over me. I am taking this