Sassy Blonde - Stacey Kennedy Page 0,70
a dry laugh. “Should have, could have, might have, those are all possibilities that will never be.”
His stomach roiled. He’d been saying those statements for far too long. To ground himself, prove this was truly happening, he looked out at the pebbles and gravel half-buried in the muddy creek bottom. She moved closer, leaned her head against his shoulder, and said, “You know why I’m here. You know what we have to talk about.”
Hayes shut his eyes against the exposed wound in his heart. “What if I don’t want to talk?” He enveloped her, holding her tight to him. “What if I just want to keep you like this and not let you go away again?”
“We don’t get that choice, but choose if you’re ever going to forgive yourself.”
“How can I?” he said, time seemingly halting. “It’s my fault you disappeared.”
Laurel leaned away from him. Her gaze was sharp like it used to be when she got annoyed with him. “You’re looking at this all wrong.”
“How else am I supposed to look at it? I let someone live, and that choice cost your life.”
She placed her hand on his arm, a warm, touching comfort that seemed familiar. “The alternative would have been that you killed an unarmed man. That’s not you. That won’t ever be you.”
“But if I had, you’d still be here,” he said.
She slowly shook her head. “I’m not supposed to be here. Nothing you could have done would have changed that. Maybe the manner of how I died might have changed, but I would have gone, regardless.”
“I don’t believe that.”
She laughed softly. “Not even you can change what’s written in the stars, Hayes.”
He wanted to shout that he could fix all this. Make it all right again, but control had been lost to him a long time ago. Water trickled around rocks and over twigs. Everything was too vivid. Too real. “Were you afraid…when it happened?”
She shook her head. “No. I didn’t feel anything. Didn’t hear anything. It happened so fast.”
His eyes welled. He blinked to clear his eyesight, only to make sure he kept seeing her. “It didn’t hurt?”
“Nothing hurt.”
Hayes gathered her in his arms, just for this second. He held on tight, having no idea how much time he’d get. “Did you wonder if I’d come?”
“It all happened too fast for any of that, Hayes,” she explained gently. “You have to stop blaming yourself. Don’t waste any more time. Be happy. If not for you, for her.”
He knew exactly who she was talking about. “Maisie.”
Laurel leaned away and smiled bright, the deep love for Maisie shining in her expression. “You’re nearly there. So close to having what life is all about. People. Family. Friends. Love. It’s all that matters, Hayes. If you want to do right by me, then forgive yourself for you, forgive yourself for her. Be happy. Be good to her. Be good to each other.”
Hayes shut his eyes, feeling Laurel’s pulsating energy next to him, swearing she was right there. Her floral perfume smelled the same. The press of her head on his shoulder was so familiar. The words she said, all the things he knew she’d say to him. Warmth began to fill the broken, cold, dead parts of his heart. Somewhere in his mind, he knew this couldn’t be real, but his heart didn’t listen.
“I miss you,” he told her, holding her close. “We both miss you so much.”
She met him with teary eyes. “I miss you and Maisie too.”
He caught those tears and wiped them away. “I could have saved you, if I’d only gotten there in time.”
“No, Hayes, you couldn’t,” she said, closing the distance until her arms were around him tight. “Stop slowly dying for me. I never wanted that. If you do anything now, live for me.” Then her smile warmed. “Make Maisie’s dreams come true. All of them. You and only you can do this for her.”
Hayes’s chest tightened. “I wanted your dreams to come true too.”
“They did,” Laurel said. “I had you. I had Maisie. I had everything I ever wanted and more.”
“You didn’t have time.”
She lifted her hand to his face. “Move forward. It’s time for that.”
Her voice became distant, her warmth slowly dissipating, replaced by a cold void Hayes couldn’t run from. He wanted to scream, to run to her, but suddenly, his eyes snapped open.
Shadows spread across his ceiling. “Fuck,” he breathed, sitting up, drenched in sweat, thrusting his hands in his hair. It’d all been a dream, or his subconscious,