The Sapphire Child (The Raj Hotel #2) - Janet MacLeod Trotter Page 0,167

ever really wanted is you.

Seeing you again in India has only confirmed my feelings. I can’t tell you how much your kiss at Tiger Fall meant to me. Every time I think of it, I am filled with hunger for you and wish that I could hold you in my arms one more time.

But if you are reading this now, then that longed-for embrace is never to be. I am giving this letter to John for safekeeping and to be sent to you only in the event of my not surviving the battle ahead.

My darling Stella, I had wanted to say these things to you in person – would have done, had I come through this war. But at least I have been able to put my true feelings in writing and hope you aren’t too embarrassed by my outpouring. I kiss you across the miles, my dearest heart.

My love forever,

Your Andy xxxxx

Stella’s hands shook as she pored over the letter and stared at the neat sketch of fishing boats in shadow. She was too overcome to speak. Never in her wildest dreams had she imagined that Andrew had harboured such deep and lasting love for her. Her chest ached with yearning for him and yet she was paralysed by a sudden numbness. Surely he could not be dead? It was impossible to imagine that such a vibrantly alive man as Andrew could no longer be living somewhere on this earth. Would she not have heard from the Lomaxes if such a dreadful thing had happened?

But the letter told her it was true. Captain Grant would only have sent it if Andrew had been killed. Her darling Andy! How could she bear it?

Stella doubled over, clutching her stomach as if she’d been gored, and let out a howl.

‘My dear Miss Dubois!’ Maclagan came rushing over from his desk in concern. ‘Whatever is the matter?’

Though she could barely breathe, Stella managed to say, ‘It’s fr-from A-Andrew. He’s d-dead . . .!’

She reached out to the major and burying her head in his shoulder, wept uncontrollably.

Chapter 59

The only thought that kept Stella from succumbing totally to her grief was that she must get to Kashmir. Like a lifeline, she clung onto the idea of being with Belle and the Lomaxes.

Major Maclagan swiftly made arrangements for her to travel.

‘Of course you must go and be with Andrew’s parents,’ he encouraged. ‘They will want to be with you too, I’m sure of it.’

He insisted on going with her as far as Srinagar. ‘I’ll book the train to Jammu and then we’ll hire a car. I don’t like to think of you travelling on your own in such distress, Miss Dubois. And I can do battle over those packing cases and baskets while I’m in the Kashmir capital.’

Stella was deeply grateful for the care he was taking of her. She had no words to describe the darkness that had descended on her since Andrew’s letter had come. Even the grief she had felt for her father did not come close to the acute pain she was experiencing now.

She sent a telegram to the Lomaxes to say she was coming, and the next day, she and the major boarded an overcrowded train to the north.

She recalled little of the train journey, only that it was stuffy and hot and the major did his best to coax her to eat and drink.

‘Can’t have you arriving dehydrated and ill, Miss Dubois.’

Her appetite had gone but she drank the tea he proffered. As the train rattled on, all she could do was fix her mind on seeing Belle – her sapphire-eyed child – whom she had been parted from for nearly two years. What would she look like now? Would she remind her painfully of Hugh or would there be a likeness to her, Stella? Her heart ached to think that Belle would not know her at all; she would be a stranger coming to visit. Esmie would probably introduce her as Auntie Stella. But she could put up with the distress of that as long as she could see and touch and speak to her daughter. It was the one thing that gave her the will to carry on when she felt as if part of her had died with Andrew.

They arrived in the town of Jammu at dawn. A peach haze covered the River Tawi and the plain, and obscured the surrounding hills. By the time the major had negotiated a hire car and they were leaving