I frowned and shook my head. “Don’t. That’s not what… I just wanted you to know that it’s always been you.”
“But your first time should have been special, Els. It should have been romantic.”
I shrugged. “In the grand scheme of things it’s not the worst thing that happened. Dad—”
“Douglas died a few days after your birthday,” Adam murmured, finishing my sentence.
“Yeah,” I whispered back, remembering how mixed up I’d been over my dad’s death. I’d grieved, but I couldn’t work out if I was mourning the idea of a dad or if I was mourning Douglas Carmichael. To make matters worse he left me a boatload of money and it took me a while to come to terms with how that made me feel. Not to mention, “I was mad at him and he died with me mad at him.”
Adam slid across the floor and put his arm around me, hugging me close. “Ellie, I thought you stopped feeling guilty about that. He was a shit dad. You had a right to be angry at him, no matter what happened.”
I nodded and snuggled closer to him, inhaling the scent of him and his aftershave. He smelled good. He always smelled good.
We sat in silence for a while until Adam said, “Just so you know, I barely remember what I did with the catering girl. And I had no idea I said that to you at your party—calling you beautiful and telling you I worried all the time about you. Fucking mixed signals. I was pretty drunk that night.”
“I know. But in the end you were right about Liam. He ended up cheating on me with Allie.”
Adam tensed. “That’s why you stopped talking to Allie? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because you would have beaten the shit out of Liam.”
“True.”
I snorted. “Always fighting my battles for me.”
“With you, baby. With you, not for you.”
Liking that a lot, I turned my head and kissed him, loving the now familiar press of his mouth against mine. I pulled back and cocked my head in thought. “I thought the year you started to see me differently was the one after my eighteenth.”
“The one after…?” Adam’s eyebrows drew together in thought for a minute and then instantly cleared as he remembered. “The almost kiss.”
While he’d been reading the last entry, I’d found the entry I’d expected him to allude to as to the moment he started to see me as more than Braden’s little sister. I held the diary out to him and he took it with a small smile as the memories flooded him.
Friday, July 5th Tonight I had my first truly grown-up, sophisticated and, well, HOT, date. I’m just not sure who I had it with… As Christian helped me out of the taxi I had to wonder if this was going to be “it”.
Christian was handsome, charming, a total gentleman and he had class. He had yet to make me laugh but I was sure that would come as we became more comfortable with one another.
He smiled at me again as I pushed the hem of my black dress back down. It had shimmied up while I was sitting in the taxi. “You look stunning.”
I flushed. When he looked at me like that I felt stunning. I was wearing a plain black sleeveless dress that should have been somewhat modest considering its high neckline and mid-thigh hemline. However, the dress hugged every inch of my body leaving little to the imagination. It was a sophisticated dress with a splash of “hot”.
I’d bought it earlier that day specifically for Christian.
We’d met a week ago in the student union. Christian was pre-law, two years older than me and from an obviously wealthy and well-to-do family. They had an actual “estate” in the highlands. That had nothing to do with what attracted me to him of course. I was attracted to him and how he’d acted upon our first meeting— with a fresh and open honesty that really appealed to me. It made me feel like I could be just as open with him. It made me feel like I could be myself.
Christian had told me that although his family had the estate, they also had a home in Corstorphine, a busy suburb out in the west of the city. His parents had bought it when his sister had moved to Edinburgh and started popping out children. She was pregnant with her third and the entire family was living in Edinburgh to be closer to her. I thought that spoke volumes about them and was more than a little excited to meet them already.
To my delight, Christian had booked us a table at La Cour for our first date. I didn’t even get a chance to tell him it was Braden’s restaurant. He inherited it from our father. As we entered I opened my mouth to tell him but Christian started speaking about the menu and what he thought I should order. I was going to tell him I knew what I wanted to order, since I’d eaten at La Cour more times than I could count, when I heard Adam call my name.
Christian and I drew to a halt as the maitre’d led us to our table, and I turned my head to see Adam sitting in the center of the restaurant across a small table from a gorgeous brunette.
I ignored the flare of jealousy, squashing it, and reminded myself I was on a date with a fabulous man, and that the gorgeous brunette was just one of many sexual partners for Adam.
He was a manwhore.
But he was my manwhore, and I couldn’t help but walk over to him, Christian at my side, with a huge smile on my face, because as always I was delighted to see him.
Adam grinned up at me, his smile dimming slightly as his gaze flickered to Christian. He gave Christian a once over and then turned those beautiful eyes of his back on me. He perused me with a small smile and when his eyes hit mine they were full of tenderness. “You look absolutely stunning, Els.”