“Your phone,” he said quietly.
I yawned and followed the buzzing sound—my phone vibrating on the bedside table. I tried to focus on the screen. “It’s Jake,” I whispered.
“Yeah, he’s called a few times. You should call him back.”
I frowned at Rick. “How long have I been out?”
He shrugged. “You were out when I got here. That was a few hours ago.” His brows drew together in concern. “Charley, you should go back to our place with your parents. Get some sleep.”
I was never going to get any real sleep until Andie woke up.
Seven days.
Seven long days she’s laid in that bed, breathing through a ventilator.
“Charley.”
I looked up from my sister’s face to Rick’s haggard one.
“Go get some sleep.”
“I just slept.” I shook my head.
“Then call Jake back.”
Wondering if perhaps Rick really just wanted some time alone with my sister, I nodded and grabbed my phone. “Do you want a Starbucks?” I noted his cheekbones looked a little sharper. I wasn’t the only one losing weight. “Something to eat?”
“A coffee and a sandwich would be great.” He eyed me. “Get yourself something to eat too, before you fade away to nothing.”
I reluctantly agreed and strode out of my sister’s hospital room. For a little while, I found myself wandering aimlessly as I clutched my phone. After the first long few days following Andie’s accident, when she showed no signs of waking up, somehow I managed to convince Claudia and Jake to return to Edinburgh to finish up their exams. It was difficult to bring them around, but since Jake didn’t want to cause trouble by appearing at the hospital, there wasn’t a whole heck of a lot he could do. And Claudia… well, I just… my focus was on Andie and I wasn’t able to give any other part of myself to anyone, which included reassurances to Claud that I was okay.
I was far from okay, and I needed to be that way. I didn’t want to spend half my time lying to people about how I was coping when in all honesty, I was barely hanging on, but barely coping on my own was easier because I could do that without the pressure from other people to do better than barely hang on.
Once a day Claudia would FaceTime to check in. That was beyond harrowing—to have to keep using the phrase, “There’s no change.”
With Jake, though, it was even harder.
My insides churned with guilt that Andie was lying in a hospital bed and I hadn’t spoken to her in months. The thought… the thought that she might die, that I might never have a chance to say another word to her after having spent the last few months choosing Jake over her and avoiding her…
I leaned against the nearest wall to catch my breath.
This was my fault. Andie’s accident. I knew that deep in my bones. Although there was some part of me that knew it wasn’t rational, I worried that somehow I’d interrupted fate all those years ago when I’d knocked Andie out of the way of Mr. Finnegan’s SUV. Was this fate’s way of punishing me?
I didn’t know if that was true or not.
What I did know was that I was definitely being punished for treating her so badly.
And the reason for my falling-out with her… well, it was Jake. I couldn’t get that out of my head.
Looking down at my phone, I fought the urge to smash it underfoot. I had to call Jake back or he would only keep trying.
After making my way outside, I found a quiet spot.
His face appeared on my phone screen and I felt a painful grip in my chest. Just looking at him made me feel a horrible mix of relief and shame.
“Baby,” he said in greeting, his dark eyes filled with concern and love. “How’s it going?”
I shook my head, looking away from the screen for a moment. “Same.”