“It’s going to be okay. We’re here.”
“Charley…”
Chapter Fifteen
After almost nine hours on the road, we pulled into a motel in Laramie, Wyoming. Beck had driven this time, while Jake and I nursed hangovers in the backseat. The three of them had joined me in the bar last night but only Jake and I had alcohol. We got a little wasted at dinner and I could only put it down to strained nerves on both our parts.
Waking up early to get on the road was not fun but our pale faces and self-pity seemed to amuse Beck, and I was okay with anything that kept him in marginally good spirits.
For the most part Jake and I were quiet in the back of the car because we were feeling ill. Even when we stopped at Ogallala, Nebraska, for lunch, we were monosyllabic. Food seemed to help though and as Beck got us back on the road, Jake attempted conversation. He updated me on his little brother Luke who’d gone from total player to devoted boyfriend when he met his match in his first year of college. Apparently the she-player he was dating didn’t give up playing like he did, however, and they broke it off when they started sophomore year.
“He’s dating a library assistant now. Really quiet, shy. Luke’s a different person around her.”
“Good different?”
Jake grinned. “Yeah, definitely. I think my little brother might be growing up. How scary is that?”
“What’s scary is the part where we’re growing up,” I said dryly. “Do you feel it? Grown up, I mean? Because I don’t.”
He gave me a consoling smile. “No. I’ve been applying to different grad schools—molecular engineering. Every time I take a minute to process that that’s where I am right now, I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut.”
Suddenly concerned by the anxious tone underlying his words, I turned toward him. “You’re happy, though, right? It’s what you want to do with your life? This is the next step that you want?”
He thought a moment before answering. “Yeah. It’s what I want. It just sometimes feels like it’s come at me all too soon. Before I’m ready for it. But I guess we all feel that way. We just have to suck it up and get on with it.”
“You don’t sound so sure.”
Jake’s eyes reassured me. “I’m sure. There’s just a huge part of me that wishes I could go back a year or two—pause the inevitability of responsibility and adulthood. I’ve f**ked up the big stuff before. I don’t want to do it again.”
It was my turn to be reassuring. “You won’t. You won’t because first time around, you weren’t even considering whether you’d f**k anything up. Your head wasn’t anywhere but in the moment you were in. Now you think about consequences, how everything we do affects our future. It’s called the learning curve, Jake.” I grabbed his hand and squeezed it without even thinking. “You won’t repeat the same mistakes. You’re not that guy.”
I felt his fingers slide through mine and just like that, the handholding went from friendly and comforting to something more. It was the whisper of skin sliding against skin. An innocent touch somehow turned sensual between us.
Jake rubbed his thumb lightly over mine and I felt that barely there touch between my legs.
Biting back a gasp, I wrenched my hand from his and rolled my head on the cushioned headrest to stare determinedly out at the passing scenery.
We’d passed into Wyoming, a state I’d never been in before. We were on the Lincoln highway and after passing through Cheyenne, there wasn’t much to see except plains, mountains, and trees. It was beautiful. Peaceful.
“Charley?”
Jake said my name so quietly and with such depth, I froze. I looked up front to see Claudia and Beck deep in conversation about which motel to stay in. She was busy looking it up on her iPhone.
Sure they weren’t paying attention, I looked at Jake feeling a rapid flutter in my chest. “Yeah?”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “For the way I acted last time I saw you. It was childish and unfair.”
I turned away again, unable to meet his eyes when I replied, “Apology accepted. You’re allowed to be angry with me.” I was angry with myself. With everyone and everything.
I felt resentful. Trapped.
I missed him.
“I just wish I knew the whole story.”
I glanced sharply up front, noting Claudia and Beck had grown quiet, alert. I shot Jake a look of admonishment out of the corner of my eye. Understanding I didn’t want to discuss this and definitely not here where we had no privacy, he turned away and watched the passing scenery too.
In the early evening we arrived in Laramie and decided to pull in for the night. We found a motel, took a nap, and then went for a walk. The main part of town was pretty and old-fashioned-looking with streetlights that looked like gas lamps. Some of the buildings dated back to the 1800s, all the storefronts were well kept, and the streets were clean in a way that reminded me of home.