We were standing out of view of the double doors that had opened up onto the red-carpeted aisle of the church and my bridesmaids were already walking their way up it. It was nearly my turn.
I couldn’t believe our wedding day was here already. It didn’t seem that long ago that I’d woken up the day after my engagement to Ellie knocking on my door with a bunch of bridal magazines in her hands. Although I’d had moments of doubt, I’d fiercely fought them back.
It was kind of a shock then to find myself standing at the bottom of the aisle, freaking out.
Fuckity, f**kity, f**k, f**k.
Deep breaths.
I could not have a panic attack. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Braden. The problem was I was terrified I was going to find some way to f**k it up. Even after months of proving to myself that I was capable of being in a committed, loving relationship, I was still afraid. I was afraid I was going to hurt him.
“What if I mess this up?” I murmured.
Clark’s hand tightened over mine. “It’s not going to be perfect because no marriage is. You’re going to fight, clash, say things you don’t mean . . . When you love someone, these things can happen. But, Joss”—he dipped his head to meet my gaze—“the good you two will have together, will always outweigh any bad.” He smiled. “And I think Braden’s proved there’s not much you can do to chase him off.”
“True.” I squeezed his hand and took a shuddering, deep breath. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. Now let’s do this.”
The strains of the guitarist and violinist grew louder as the double doors swung open, their beautiful instrumental version of Paul Weller’s “You Do Something to Me” sending shivers up my neck. We stepped out onto the carpeted aisle of the church and at first all I could see was the flowers, the guests who had turned to stare at me, their approving smiles, their curiosity. At the squeeze of Clark’s hand around mine where I clutched fiercely to my bouquet of white lilies interspersed with thin reeds of champagne gold, I began to focus. My eyes found my bridesmaids, Ellie, Hannah, Jo, Rhian, and Liv, dressed in their floor-length champagne-colored dresses, looking elegant and happy. The closer we got I could see Ellie was tearing up. I caught Elodie in the front pews along with Cam; Cole; Jo’s Uncle Mick; his new girlfriend, Dee; Cam’s best friends, Nate and Peetie; and Peetie’s girlfriend, Lyn. I didn’t have any family here so we’d decided not to divide the room into groom and bride sides. Still, there were just my colleagues from Club 39. Everyone else was associates or friends of Braden and the Nichols family. And of course his vapid socialite mother hadn’t turned up. She was feeling under the weather. More like we’d met at Christmas last year and I’d made my distaste for her clear and vice versa.
My eyes found Adam and Dec, who were standing on the opposite side of the altar. They wore the same as Clark and Braden—what was referred to as a Prince Charlie gray jacket and matching three-button waistcoat. Their silk champagne ties were intricately knotted against their dark gray shirts, and because the Carmichaels were associated with the Stewart clan they were wearing a subdued Stewart gray tartan. Adam’s kind, bolstering smile finally made me look at Braden.
I almost faltered on the walk up the aisle.
The look in his eyes was like a physical pressure on my chest. The love there caused my throat to constrict and I leaned more heavily against Clark as I attempted to float toward Braden in my wedding dress. My dress was simple. It was strapless with a heart-shaped neckline, and the upper half of the bodice was ivory with crystal beading and lace. The finest white silk chiffon pulled across the bodice in a tight drape, fitted to my waist. From my h*ps the layers of chiffon, shot through with silver, fell to the floor in simple elegance. I could tell by the look on Braden’s face as Clark and I approached that he liked the dress.
Still shaking, I kissed Clark on the cheek, so honored that he’d walked me down the aisle in absence of my father. I thanked him sincerely, almost choking up at the sheen of wetness in his eyes as he handed me over to Braden.
Instead of turning me to face the minister, Braden took my hand and pulled me into his side, his eyes burning intensely into mine. His head lowered and I felt his warm breath on my ear, “You look stunning, sweetheart, but deep breaths. This is just you and me.”
“Tell that to the hundred people sitting behind us,” I told him a little shakily.
He chuckled, pressing an amused kiss to my mouth.
When he pulled back, Braden’s expression was reassuring as he murmured against my lips, “I love you, you love me, our family loves us and they’re right here beside us. Nothing else matters. So no fears for the future, no fear that you’ll f**k it up beyond repair. Life isn’t perfect, we aren’t perfect, but I’m telling you now, Jocelyn, we’re indestructible. Stop shaking, and just marry me.”
I pressed deeper into him, brushing my mouth over his. “You got it.”
The minister cleared his throat, drawing my and my smiling groom’s attention back to the ceremony and out of the little bubble we’d been in. I heard our guests titter behind us and the music stopped.
This was it.
***
There was something a little surreal about sitting next to Braden at the top table, my wedding band sitting prettily against my engagement ring, everyone referring to us as husband and wife, and people being cute and calling me Mrs. Carmichael instead of Joss. It was weird. But the good kind of weird.
Our wedding reception was held at the Balmoral Hotel. The banquet suite was this grand hall with tall ceilings, pillars, elaborate chandeliers, and huge arched windows with views of Edinburgh Castle. It was stunning and classy and beyond anything I’d ever imagined for this moment.
After dinner, Clark tapped his champagne flute, drawing everyone’s attention as he stood up to give his father-of-the-bride speech. I’d told him he didn’t have to, but he said he wanted to. And watching how comfortable he was as he lifted the mic, I knew as a university professor he wasn’t that daunted having to talk to a large crowd of people.
I didn’t know what to expect from Clark’s speech. I felt butterflies in my stomach as he smiled down at Braden and me.
“Braden is one of the finest men I know.” He began. “He’s a son to me. And he’s a friend. So when it became clear that what he and Joss had together was something special, I couldn’t have been more delighted for him. Because Jocelyn is without a doubt one of the strongest, most extraordinary young women I have ever met.”
Jesus C.
I swallowed past the hard lump of emotion in my throat, leaning into Braden, who automatically wrapped an arm around me without my even having to ask.