SALVE ROMA! A Felidae Novel - By Akif Pirincci Page 0,55

chased in groups from one sight to the next by tourist guides, petered out in the broad square. In its middle, I stood like petrified and almost wasn’t able to break away from the cathedrals about 165 feet high monster-facade with its differently shaped pillars, columns, windows, doors and balconies. It was an unbelievable decoration, its pieces stepped back and forth, inwards and outwards in every imaginable way, without any reason or cause. The facade was crowned by 20-feet-high statues of Christ with the cross, John the Baptist and the apostles. Through the five doors with brazen railings I saw that through the dome windows sunlight flooded the inside in the shape of giant lances. The builders of this house had used all their creativity to create the impression that the Almighty didn’t live anywhere else but here. And what I can say, I also believed in that now!

After the first enchantment had subsided a little, I remembered my mission. Miracolo – where in the nucleus of the Catholic universe might His Holiness be? After all Vatican City embraces 0,17 square miles, and besides St. Peter’s Cathedral there are countless buildings, parks and gardens, yeah even a train station and a heliport in the lateral and rear areas. I was tempted to use the tasteless comparison with finding a needle in a haystack but quickly noticed that my plan actually was even more desperate. It seemed unlikely that the colleague, who according to Sancta behaved even more papal than the pope, would just run into me by accident. In this minute, he probably sat in the pope’s lap and bathed in his glory. Maybe I had made a mistake when I had rushed here reflexively at the mentioning of his name instead of adoring my Roman goddess a little longer.

Before I let myself get totally overwhelmed by desperation, I decided to at least do my Christian duty and have a look at the cathedral’s inside. As to be in Rome without seeing the workshop of the deputy of Christ, would indeed have verged on blasphemy. The only question was if the soldiers of the Swiss Guards, who were standing in front of the church’s doors would allow a fellow to pass who wasn’t just hairy on his head, at his armpits and a little further down. I had heard that they sometimes couldn’t stop school of pigeons from flying inside and that because of that there was a certain tolerance towards animal invaders from time to time. If this applied to representatives of the Felidae, I was about to find out.

I raised my right paw in order to boldly kick it off ...

»Il Pius stupido ha trovato morto! Il Pius stupido ha trovato morto! ...« I suddenly heard some drowning yelling from both sides, which made my raised paw freeze in motion. The yells probably wouldn’t have shocked me so much, hadn’t they been uttered by my kind and if it hadn’t been for the little word »morto«. »Stupid Pius found bodies!« What was that supposed to mean?

I put my paw back to the floor and moved my head from side to side. And when I looked back again, two fellows on each side of me streaked pass me and nervously ran towards the Bernini Colonnades on our right. It was a piebald, a fat gray one, and two more figures that I wasn’t able to identify in regard of color, race or sex. Totally taken by surprise at first, I quickly composed myself and ran after them.

»What is all this buzz about, folks?« I shouted to my fellow runners after I had caught up on them.

»Stupid Pius has found bodies!« the piebald panted while he ran like it was for his life.

»I already got that. But who is stupid Pius? And who are these bodies anyway?«

»What? You don’t know stupid Pius?«

I was afraid the guy might have a coronary any minute.

»Guess what, no! Will I get excommunicated now?«

He gave me a suspicious look as if I was a wacko Muslim.

»Everyone here knows stupid Pius«, he said. »And if you don’t know him, then you’re not part of the Vatican circle and better go fry an egg!«

»O my, I beg your pardon a thousand times, but did your Reverence have some nasty problems taking a shit this morning or why are you behaving like this?«

The four shared confused looks, which also contained a little fear. Having to listen to impious talk right after the jeremiad of the discovered bodies seemed