Salmonella men on Planet Porno: stories - By Yasutaka Tsutsui Page 0,40

utter devastation, the General’s laughter still ringing out behind me. Try as I might, I couldn’t see any way out of it. Of course, I could just quit my job. But I didn’t have the guts to do that. Because, if anything, being out of a job scared me even more than going to war.

On my return to the office, I found Purasarto talking to a local woman in the reception lounge. She was fair of skin and voluptuous of body, a woman of striking beauty.

Purasarto stood and introduced her. “Sir. This lady has come about the vacancy. She’s an acquaintance of mine, actually. She comes from a good family, and has just graduated from university.” He must have been desperate to leave – he’d already found his own replacement!

The woman also stood, and introduced herself with a warm, winsome smile. The demon of amorous adventure began to stir within me. But I patted him down and shook my head. This was no time to be getting amorous with any secretary.

“There is no vacancy,” I said, then sat at my desk and picked up the phone. “This is not the time for that.”

Purasarto shrugged. The woman struck a coquettish pose. “What a pity,” she said. “I would love to have worked here.”

“I would love to have had you, believe me,” I replied with total sincerity.

I dialled Head Office in Tokyo. It was the Department Manager, my boss, who answered.

“Well, hello there!” he said, laughing.

“This is no laughing matter!” I countered. “It’s not my fault those rifles are defective! So why do I have to go to the front to repair them? More to the point, why weren’t they checked properly before being shipped out?” I knew it was useless saying anything now. But I just had to have my halfpennyworth.

“Apparently, there was an oversight at the factory,” he replied nonchalantly. “It seems they let some part-timers do the final assembly.”

“In that case, send an engineer from the factory! Let him go to the war zone! That’s what anybody else would do!”

“Yes, maybe. But I’m afraid it’s not possible. We’re understaffed as it is, you see. And anyway, if we sent someone from here, he wouldn’t arrive in time. All the Branch Offices send their staff out for simple repairs, after all.”

“If I go to the war zone, there won’t be anyone left in the Branch Office!”

“That’s too bad. The Army Ministry is our biggest client there. The others can wait.”

“What if I get hit and die?”

“I’ve already had a word with the President. You’ll get special danger money, don’t worry.” He sounded as if he expected me to thank him. “And if the worst should come to the worst, you’ve nothing to worry about. I’ll take care of everything.” By which he presumably meant my wife. “In return, if you do a good job, I’ll recommend you for Head of Sales when you’re next transferred.”

I gave up. I’d only earn myself a bad name in the company if I kept complaining – especially when they were offering so much.

“The army say they’ll pay me too. What should I do?”

“Hmm. I’d just take it, if I were you. We’ll keep sending your pay every month, anyway. You’ll be getting two salaries, but, well… Considering the danger you’ll be in, it sounds fair. Of course, you’ll be under the command of the army until you get all five hundred rifles fixed, however long that takes. That’s the agreement between us and the Galibian Army Ministry. And I expect you to honour it. All right? From now on, you’re to take orders from them.” Suddenly his voice changed to one of gentle coaxing. “After all, it is for the sake of the company. OK?”

“I suppose I have no choice.” I put the phone down in resignation.

I gave Purasarto his back pay and dismissed him. Then I locked the office door. I had no way of knowing when I’d return, or indeed if I’d ever return again. My only consolation was the double salary, and the promise of promotion. But what use would they be if I died?

I returned to the Army Ministry, where I completed the procedure for signing up. I was given my outfit allowance and travel expenses, my uniform and equipment, and directions to Position 23, where I was to report the following day. It was on a hill in the suburbs of Gayan.

“There are two big bodhi trees at the bottom of the hill,” explained the issuing officer. “A hundred