Safe Harbour Page 0,100

of panic at times, realizing yet again that he was gone, and would never return. She felt a wave of panic overwhelm her as she clutched one of his jackets to her face, as it hung in the closet next to her, and as though she could feel his arms around her, she took it off the hanger and put it on.

She stood in the closet, feeling like a lost child, as the sleeves hung down, and she wrapped her arms around herself. She could feel something rustle in one of the pockets as she did, and without thinking she reached inside. It was a letter, and for an insane moment, she wanted it to be a letter from him to her, but it wasn't. It was a single typed sheet someone had written on a computer, with an initial at the bottom of the page. She felt uncomfortable reading it since it hadn't been written to her, but it was something, some piece of him, something that he had once touched and read. And her eyes traveled slowly down the page. For a moment, she almost wondered if she'd written it herself, but she knew she hadn't, and she felt her heart begin to pound as she read what it said.

“Darling Ted,” it began, and it did not get better, but worse. “I know this has come as a shock to both of us, but sometimes the greatest blows turn out to be life's greatest gifts. This isn't what I intended either. But I believe it's what is meant to be. I'm not as young as I used to be, and to be honest, I'm afraid I won't get another chance, with you or anyone else. This baby means everything to me, more than anything in this world, because it's yours.

“I know this isn't what you planned, nor I. This started out as a little fun, a harmless thing between the two of us. We've always had so much in common, and I know how hard these last few years have been at home for you. No one knows better than I. I think she's mishandled things, for you, and for Chad, and more importantly between the two of you. I'm not even convinced he would have attempted suicide, if in fact he did, if she hadn't alienated you from him. I know only too well how hard this has been for you. And like you, I'm not all that convinced he really has problems. I have never truly believed the diagnosis, and I think it's possible that the so-called suicide attempts were only bids for your attention, maybe even asking you to save him from her. I think she has misjudged this whole thing since the beginning. And maybe the answer, if we wind up together as I hope we will and you say we might, is for her to keep Pip, and you and I to have Chad with us. He might be a lot happier than he is now, with her buzzing around him like a hornet, in a constant panic about him. That can't be good for him either. And he is a lot more like us, you and me, than he is like her. It's obvious to both of us that she doesn't understand him. Maybe because he's smarter than she is, maybe even smarter than we are. In any case, if it's what you want, I'd be willing to try it, and have him live with us, if that's what you decide.

“As for us, I firmly believe that this is only the beginning. Your life with her is over. It has been for years. She doesn't see it, or want to. She can't. She is completely dependent on you and the children. She has no life. She doesn't want one. She feeds off of you, and them, in order to give her life meaning. It doesn't have one. She'll have to find a life of her own, sooner or later. Maybe in the long run, this is what she needs, to jolt her into realizing how pointless her life is, how empty, and how little she has come to mean to you. She drains you. She sucks all the life from you, and has for years.

“This baby, whoever he or she will be, is our bond to each other, our link to the future. I know that you have made no firm decision yet, but I think I know what you want, as