The Saddest Song - By Susie Kaye Lopez Page 0,62

you that you won’t have to deal with it again. I have learned a lot about myself and about you in the past few months. I can tell you without the help of our psychic friend that I know you and I are not a mistake. What has grown between us is right and I will not feel guilty for falling in love with you. Call it a cruel twist of fate, but I believe you were never meant to be with Garrett. We are as perfect for one another as two people have ever been. But you can’t accept that. You won’t. Fine. I can’t change your mind. But I can’t be around you and see your eyes look at me with regret for what happened between us, because what happened was as natural and meant to be as anything that has ever happened to either of us. I won’t let you make me feel bad about it. We didn’t kill my brother. We didn’t plan to fall in love. Life happens and fate steps in and makes things messy, but that’s called Living Rainey.

“Max, I don’t blame you. I swear I don’t. I just want to be the way we were before.”

“Going back to just a friendship would mean we are both in denial and ashamed of loving each other. I’m not.”

“But, Max..”

“Rainey, it’s okay. It’s how you feel. I love you but I need to be honest with myself. We will both survive. We’ve proven that we’re survivors.”

She looked so distressed, I reached out and hugged her, half expecting her to push me away. She surprised me by clinging to me and starting to cry. I kissed the top of her head and pulled away. I took a step back towards the door and she said, “Max, Wait! Please. I don’t want you to go.”

“Do you think I want to? I have to Rainey.” It took everything I had to step inside and close the door.

Chapter 28

Rainey

It didn’t take many more days to realize what a huge mistake I had made. Once the shock of having slept with him wore off, I had to deal with his absence. He was gone completely from wherever I was. Going back to school without him was the worst part. Caitlynn and Hudson made a great effort to keep me company at lunchtime but it wasn’t the same. I tried to shut him out of my mind, think of anything but him. He stayed stubbornly locked into my consciousness. Everything made me think of him. At first when I couldn’t stand it anymore I texted him and asked to see him. He said no. I asked again and he didn’t answer. How could I blame him? He had said he loved me and I had rejected him. I treated him like he had done something wrong, instead of being honest about my own feelings.

My eighteenth birthday was January 27th and I had a crazy hope that I would hear from him. I checked my phone every five minutes hoping for a message from him. When Sophie called to wish me a happy birthday I practically begged her for news of him. We had been apart for nearly a month. Did he mention me? Never, she said. Was he happy? No, not at all. I felt a slight thrill of happiness that he might be as miserable as I was.

When we got home from my birthday dinner, my dad pressed the garage door opener and sitting in the garage wrapped in a big red bow was a shiny black Volkswagen Jetta. They yelled, “Surprise!” Mom handed me the keys and urged me to sit in it. I cried as I sat there holding the wheel. “Tears of Happiness,” my dad whispered to my mom. She elbowed him, looking sad.

My alarm clock flashed as I entered my bedroom, a shout out from Garrett. It didn’t cheer me up. It made me sadder. I had made my peace with Garrett. It was his brother I missed now.

Max

Ignoring Rainey’s birthday was one of the hardest things I had ever done. My mom told me her parents were buying her a car and I hoped it would be a Jetta. Rainey had always wanted one. I knew how happy she would be. I wished I could be there to see her face light up in surprise. My fingers ached to at least text her a birthday message, but I knew that would be selfish.

The days without