I know why. I also know why my feelings for him scared the shit out of me in the car park.
It’s because they’re the truest I’ve ever felt. Despite his dickhead nature and how twisted he can be.
I might be his chaos, but he’s also mine.
My chaos and my safety.
Now that Papa will end it with Helen, we can finally have a chance. It’ll take us some time because of the media attention, but we can do it.
I contemplate texting him, but he was so mad earlier. I’ll speak to him in person tomorrow.
The next morning, he texts me first.
I nearly jump out of my skin when I find his text message after freshening up.
Cole: Meet me at my old house.
Silver: Okay! I’ll see you there!
I sounded a bit too excited in that text, but whatever.
After I throw on last night’s dress and a pair of shoes, I snatch my mother’s keys. “I’m borrowing your car, Mum!”
“Hey, where do you think you’re going, young lady?” She emerges from her room wearing a stunning red dress. “Your father will be here any second.”
“I’ll let you guys catch up and join later.” I grin. “He’ll need to catch up when he sees you like that.”
“You think?”
“I’m sure. Bye!”
I’m flying down the hallway and into the lift before she can reply.
Mum isn’t the only one who’s excited. I feel like I’m going to fly out of my skin. Cole might be possessive to a fault, but he gives an infuriating silent treatment. If he’s angry at me, it takes a lot for him to break his silence.
Not that I make it any easier… I’ve got Mum’s stubbornness. And while it’s good to not let anyone step on me, it’s not so good when I recall how I kept denying what Cole and I both craved.
I arrive at his house in record time. Since I know the code, I put it in and step inside.
The house is empty. I think he mentioned something about moving back in after he’s out of RES.
Is that why he called me here? Will this be our place after we leave school?
I bite my lower lip to suppress a smile.
Don’t get ahead of yourself, Silver.
Pushing the door open, I step inside the mansion. “Cole, I’m here —”
My words die when something pricks my neck from behind. My tongue feels heavy in my mouth.
Black spots form behind my eyelids as my body hits the ground with a thud.
“Cole…” I murmur
“Shh. Your master is here, Doll.”
The world goes out.
42
Cole
It’s strange how you spend your entire life with someone and it turns out you don’t know them at all.
You don’t know yourself.
You wake up every day and take yourself for granted when that self has dissociated into something else.
Something potent.
Something criminally insane.
I spend the entire night reading the book. Dolls.
The alter ego never allowed me to read the book before, or come near it until completion.
Until I went in to search for that alter ego and didn’t find it.
I found the book, though. The full manuscript was left in an envelope on the table for the agent.
I found the clever words that hinted something real but still remained in fiction land.
What Gav did to his dolls, though? Yeah, that was described in meticulous detail.
But Gav didn’t want any of those dolls. They were plastic. They weren’t real.
Gav’s father didn’t let him play with dolls. After Gav’s mother’s death, his father brought him to his knees and told him he’d now take his mother’s duties.
Gav’s father hit him and touched him. Gav’s father took his virginity when he was nine because he had the right to before anyone else. He made him, so he got to own every part of him.
Gav’s father was depraved.
Gav became insane.
He didn’t know it, though. Gav is like Antoine Roquentin from Nausea. Antoine didn’t know he had an existential crisis, and Gav didn’t know he was insane.
Criminally. Psychologically.
Gav hid his favourite doll under his pillow and kept looking at it while his father fucked him, pushing his head against the pillow to muffle the sound so no one in the house could hear.
The doll had long blonde hair and bright blue eyes.
The doll smiled at him every night his father came for him.
The doll kept him sane.
The doll made him feel safe.
He became her Doll Master because that was the only thing in his life he had control over.
Gav’s father fucked him until he was eighteen. Every night. No exceptions. He told Gav he loved him and he