not the man. Which is fine by me since that means she won’t be touching him.
Two hours later, and after so much pain that almost brought me to tears, we stand in front of each other in the middle of a room with dark walls.
“Show me.” I motion at his T-shirt.
“You first.”
“At the same time?”
He nods and we lift our clothes, baring our skin at the same time. Cole got the tattoo I chose for him and it’s even more beautiful than I imagined. The skin around it is red due to how fresh it is, but the design is clear. It’s an open book with tendrils of smoke coming out and on top of it, written in a neat font is the word ‘CHAOS.’
“It’s so beautiful,” I breathe out, approaching him to get a better view.
Cole holds me at arm’s length. “Stay there, I still haven’t gotten my fill.”
I remain in place, swallowing at the intense way he’s examining my tattoo. It’s a butterfly. And not just any butterfly. Cole sketched something that’s identical to the butterfly pin I wore that day ten years ago in the park.
The tattoo came out perfect with all the small details in the wing. It’s an exact match to the pin and similar to the necklace around my throat.
“So?” I ask. “You like it?”
“I love it.” He plants a kiss on my nose.
My toes curl like they do every time he does that. It’s softness where Cole is usually hard. It’s something he only does with me.
After we leave the tattoo parlour, we roam the streets, hand in hand, as Cole tells me more history.
The smell of baked goods lures me in like a cartoon character when we pass by a small pastry shop.
“Let’s try croissants,” I tell him.
Cole buys us croissants au chocolat and we sit at a small table in front of the shop. There are a few old patrons at the surrounding tables, and they seem relaxed, enjoying the bright weather.
I take a bite of the hot croissant and moan in pleasure. “Now I’m craving a Snickers bar. Let’s find some afterwards…”
I lift my head and stop chewing when I find Cole’s darkened eyes zeroed in on me.
He’s sitting opposite me with the small table separating us. He’s close enough that I smell his cinnamon scent and inhale it into my lungs.
The way he’s looking at me is so sinister, it’s like he’ll grab me and fuck me on the table right here, right now.
I clear my throat, but my voice comes out breathy anyway. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Why did you just moan?”
“I-I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did. Don’t lie to me.”
“It was because of the croissant.”
“And here I thought you were seducing me.”
“I-I wasn’t.”
“Well, it worked.”
“C-Cole —”
My words die in my throat when he grips my chin with two fingers and pulls me close before his lips claim mine. It’s an open-mouthed kiss, all tongues and teeth and…freedom.
Neither of us worries that we’re in public or that we shouldn’t be doing this or that someone will see.
Fuck them.
Fuck everyone.
Because this thing that beats between us is way stronger than their words and their judgement.
The loss we felt is way deeper than societal standards and forbidden relationships.
It’s us.
As twisted as it is.
We don’t stop kissing that day. We make out in the streets. In the grocery store. Everywhere. We give the people in town a PDA they never signed up for.
I take pictures with a barely-willing Cole who hardly looks at the camera and refuses to pose unless it involves a kiss or me touching him.
I commemorate every moment and every second. I document the time where I get to kiss him anywhere I want.
Because real life will strike again.
Real life will rip us apart.
And the only place I can have him is behind closed doors.
39
Doll Master
Once upon a time, there was a doll.
You thought you could get rid of me because I’m not sending you texts anymore.
I’m close even when I’m far.
I’ll follow like a star.
And that star will eventually become your fate and your only reprieve.
It’ll follow you as you grow. As you fall. As you stand up just so you’ll fall again.
You can’t run. You can’t hide.
Little doll, what have you done?
The fun has only begun.
And soon, you’ll come undone.
40
Silver
In the end, life goes on.
Mum was fine, and in her words, she only needed to clear her head in a place where Papa doesn’t exist. Usually, she makes him appear as the villain every chance