“And as you’re still on a Washington area code, so if you keep that phone number, I won’t be able to tell.”
I’d have to thank him for that reminder. “Obviously, I will not be able to change my phone number until you’ve located me.” That wouldn’t cost me a lot; I’d learned my plan came with unlimited roaming, so I could stay in New York without worrying about changing my number. “I will also refuse to speak to Mat until you have found me. He can go suck eggs, and you can tell him that for all I care.”
“Your brother is not going to take that well, I just thought you should know.”
“Well, he should have been a little less of an asshole and a little more grateful for the hell I went through putting his wedding together. I went from a healthy weight to a twig with ribs to fit in the damned dress in the size Amy demanded.”
“I am going to insist that you are a healthy weight in time for my wedding, and I will hire a reasonable nutritionist to help make certain you’re in good health if needed. And I’ll have words with your brother about that. If you don’t mind me asking, how much weight did you have to lose?”
“Twenty pounds or so. To be fair, I probably did need to lose five of those pounds. I like milkshakes a little too much.”
“Five pounds isn’t exactly a lot in either direction. Hell, I’m usually ten pounds over, but I’ve been told I’m a muscle-bound freak.”
“I’m not qualified to say if you’re muscular, but you don’t seem like a freak to me. If anything, you seem rather normal. I mean, how bad can you be? You have a cute dog, and she obviously loves you so much she ate your wedding invitation so you wouldn’t leave her behind. You also have a sense of humor. I never knew how entertaining funny news headlines could be until I took a baseball to the head.”
“I’m concerned you might go out of your way to be hit with more baseballs to discover other joys in life.”
“Can I pass on that? I didn’t want to get hit the first time. I’m just pointing out that the baseball incident had a damned good silver lining. Neither one of us had to go to that reception. I love my brother, but by the time they got through the actual ceremony, I was already done with the entire wedding.”
“I’m still amazed there was a reception. That is not a slight against your brother, but his wife is a piece of work.”
“I’m glad I’m not the only one who realizes that.”
“Well, your brother did make mention he’d allowed himself to be swayed by her without consulting with you on the matter.”
“He didn’t appreciate my blunt opinion when I spoke to him on the phone, that’s for certain.”
“His mistake, not yours. There is one more delicate matter I was asked to bring up to you, if I happened to be able to speak cordially with you.”
“If it’s about our parents, I’ll show up for the next major holiday.”
“I will not count that as an easy way to get a hold of you unless I become desperate.”
“And if you become desperate enough to crash the family dinner, you can acknowledge your defeat at my hands in front of my family. Spare yourself the humiliation. Plus, Amy will be there.”
“They’d give Mat your number, wouldn’t they?”
“Yes, they would.”
“I will provide a phone specifically for you to contact your parents, and you can keep it turned off except when you call them and check your voice mail. That can be my penance for becoming involved with this situation. I’ll send you money online to cover the cost of your phone and the line. Would that be fair?”
“I can get a cheap prepaid phone to call my parents. That’s not an issue.”
“Then you can use the money for that, but I’m not going to force you to pay for something like that, especially not when I’m a part of why you’re avoiding certain people.”
“Hardly. You didn’t force Mat to act like an asshole. You also didn’t force him to marry Amy. You also didn’t suggest he ask me to plan the wedding. Well, I hope you didn’t. You’ll have a lot of penance to pay if you’re the one who gave him that idea.”
“I invited your brother to attend an event with me, which was where he