with the fire of determination. “Didn’t last night help with reining in the urges? I read somewhere that sex helps, doesn’t it?”
“I slipped, Mae. I don’t know what happens when I lose time but I know when I lose it. What if I killed you yesterday?” Or today for that matter.
“But you didn’t. You came back and offered me the most amazing night in my life.” She smiles, her small hand covers mine. Heat submerges my body, but it isn’t enough to unfreeze the coldness in my mind.
“I tried to kill you this morning and I’ll try again until you’re dead.” A bitter laugh escapes me. “I’m my father’s son after all.”
“No, you’re not your father!” She shouts before her voice takes a softer tone. “I’m sure there’s a way.” She plants a soft kiss on my mouth. Life springs my supposedly dead heart. “I love you, Aaron. Let me help you.”
Her gently spoken words resurrect my heart. All the feelings that should’ve occupied it for years penetrated it all at once. My chest aches like the building of a heart attack.
Why would Mae love me? Me? Have I damaged her that much?
She squeezes my hand in hers. “You can fight this.”
Aunt laughs. “I’d kill this cliche myself if I had a body. Wait, I can use yours, Aaron.”
I take deep breaths, but my voice still comes out harsh. “Fight what? My own head? Do you think I haven’t tried it before? It gets uglier whenever I go against this.” I hit the side of my temple with the back of my hand. “I’ve been their accomplice for a long time, and because of you, I have to fight them.”
A wounded expression takes over her stunning features. “Am I not worth fighting for?”
“It’s because of you are that I’m going through this madness!” I shout, before jumping to my feet, glaring at her. “I used to be a shell, but at least my life was simple. With you in the picture, everything crumbles. Everything I stored away from in my childhood has come back to haunt me. I’m obliged to fight a war I cannot win. I don’t know how to gather my pieces anymore. I don’t fucking know how to stop being an irrational, impulsive idiot.” Releasing a sigh, I pause. “You make me feel, Mae, and I hate you for it.”
Tears stroke Mae’s cheeks. She clutches my arm so tight as if it’s her only safe line in a deadly storm. “Hate me all you want, but let me help, I beg you.”
“Do you know the story of the scorpion and the frog?”
She nods, more tears coming out of her eyes.
“How did it end?” I ask. Her lips tremble but she says nothing. “When the scorpion stung the frog, dooming them both to drown, the frog asked him why did he did so. What did the scorpion reply?”
Mae shakes her head, sniffing, before looking down at her lap.
I hold her chin between my thumb and forefinger, harshly drawing her attention back to me. My voice rises with every word. “What. Did. He. Reply?”
“I can’t help it. It’s in my nature.” She hiccoughs, her blue gaze fixates me. “But that’s not you, that’s— “
“There’s no but, Mae!” I cut her off. “Stop being the stupid frog already. It’s getting boring.”
I release her with a shove. She flinches before lying on the bed.
On my way out, I don’t dare look into her eyes. The sound of her sobs is already eating at my resolve. What I might see in that gaze would haunt me for the remainder of my days. Better hurt her emotionally than choke the life out of her.
Until I figure out how to master my demons, Mae needs to be out of the picture. I won’t repeat Father’s mistake. I won’t kill the only woman who meant something to me because I wanted the easy way out.
It was easy killing targets and pretending that the thrill was everything I needed. Since I had Mae and knew what real thrill tasted like, I’ll do everything in my might to have it again.