To The Rude Guy in Apartment Five - J. S. Cooper Page 0,28
was one guy I knew that deserved an eggplant up his ass.” Millie giggled. “I would have shoved it up there and left it.” She made a face. “But please continue.”
“Jagger wanted to use the dildo on me …” I paused for dramatic effect. “And I said yes.”
“Shit, that’s hot,” Millie said. “Sounds like the beginning of a porno.” She laughed. “You’re the naughty student and he’s the dirty professor.”
“Uhm, not quite.” I laughed. “But yes, it was kinda sexy, and I was definitely turned on and so was he, if you know what I mean.”
“So then you fucked?” Jane asked and then put her hand to her mouth. “Sorry. I mean, made love.”
“Nope, we neither made love nor fucked.”
“Oh, shit, what happened?” Millie asked, her eyes focused solely on me as she put the cups down on the table.
“So everything was really hot and heavy. I was into it, he was into it, and then he went and made a joke that was totally inappropriate and douchebaggy, and I pushed him off of me and left. And I’m never talking to him again.”
“What did he say?” Jane asked.
“Did he call you a slut?” Millie asked. “I hate when guys do that, but it’s a huge turn-on for some of them. Like it makes them feel good to say, suck on this you dirty slut, or you two-bit whore.”
“Uhm, no.” I stared at her. “Please don’t tell me that turns you on?”
“No, I slapped the guy that said that to me.” She laughed. “But some guys think that turns us on.”
“Well, no, he didn’t say anything dirty. He referenced a time in our past when we nearly had sex before.”
“Shut the front door!” Jane squealed. “You guys almost had sex before? What? When?”
“When we were younger.” I sighed, knowing I needed to spill all the beans. “I was 18, he was 20. I’d left him a note to sit on a chair in his bedroom and wear a mask around his eyes. I walked in, gave him a lap dance and led him to the bed. We kissed, touched, and he was about to enter me, well, technically he had just entered me … and the door opened.”
“Oh, fuck, your parents walked in?” Jane looked shocked. “Wait, I mean his parents?”
“No.” I shook my head, my face bright red. “It was worse than that.”
“Worse?” Millie looked confused. “Uhm, his grandparents?”
“Worse.”
“Oh, shit, weren’t you dating his brother?” Jane’s jaw dropped. “His brother walked in? Were you still dating him at the time?”
“Yes, his brother walked in,” I admitted, the shame of it all hitting me again. “Not only did his brother walk in, but so did my sister, who was dating Jagger at the time.”
“Oh, hell no.” Millie’s hand flew to her mouth.
“I know.” I looked down at the ground embarrassed. “I had been about to break up with Doug, but I was going to do it the next day. Unfortunately, he’d thought my plan for us to go away and talk meant I wanted to get more serious, and he had been secretly planning a proposal.”
“Oh, shit! He was going to propose to you?” Millie’s eyes nearly popped out. “Damn, Gina, that’s cold.”
“This is some Jerry Springer shit, right here.” Jane nodded. “This is crazy.”
“It gets crazier.” I sighed. “My sister was also pregnant.”
“Oh, hell no.” Jane stepped back. “I can’t. I just can’t. Your sister was pregnant with Jagger’s baby and you were fucking him?”
“Well, I wasn’t fucking him and … well, it’s more complicated than that. She and Jagger had never had sex. He wasn’t the father.” I sighed. “Their relationship wasn’t real. She was dating him so that our parents didn’t realize she was actually seeing this older guy in the neighborhood.” I took a deep breath. “Anyways, it was all a hot mess, and so when Jagger brought it up yesterday, I just couldn’t believe it. I mean, how damn rude and disrespectful.”
“Yeah,” Millie nodded. “Why did he bring it up?”
“I don’t know,” I huffed. “He’s an asshole?”
“So what happened after all that?” Jane asked. “What did Jagger say?”
“I never saw him again.” I shook my head. “The next day, my parents sent me to my aunt’s place in Florida for the summer, and then I started college in Iowa. When I went home to visit, I was able to avoid seeing him, as he was living on his own.” I shrugged. “I haven’t seen him or spoken to him since that night. My sister barely