gesture reassured him that the old Katie was still in there, beneath the professional grey skirt suit and the discreet jewellery and straight long blonde hair. He had never seen hair that colour anywhere. Ash blonde mixed with something. It had always fallen long and straight and he had never understood why she hated it. She had no idea how stunning she looked. To her it was a dumb blonde look that was going to ruin her chances of being taken seriously in business. He had even stopped her from dying it dark brown once. How could he ever tire of running his fingers through that long silky blonde hair, smoothing it down over and over again?
He cursed himself for missing out on the time that they could have spent together.
‘I still cringe when I think about how cruel I was. I am so sorry for leaving you when your dad was sick. I should have been strong enough to stay and work it out, but I just couldn’t. And I am so very sorry. I regret leaving you like that more than I can say.’
CHAPTER FOUR
‘YOU’re sorry?’ Kate looked at him with amazement and something close to bewilderment in the depths of her wide, sad blue eyes.
‘After my father died … we were all such a mess that it was hard to think straight …’
Kate dropped her head for a moment, and Simon’s heart sank to the pit of his stomach at the thought that he was hurting her.
Her head lifted, but she paused just long enough to tell him that this time she was not going to avoid the massive elephant in the room. ‘You didn’t want to talk about what happened between my dad and your mum, and I understood that because neither did I. But running away with you would have meant leaving my dad and Gemma behind just when they needed me most.’
‘What happened between them? Let’s be honest, Katie. They had been sleeping together for months. I would call that an affair. Wouldn’t you? Because that was certainly how my dad described it. Oh—about two hours before he drove his car into a tree and killed himself.’
‘You don’t think I remember that? We were together when the police knocked on the door. I went with you to where the accident happened and saw what was left of the car. The investigators said he just lost control, Simon. Why can’t you accept that?’
The words swirled around inside Simon’s head and he squeezed his eyes tight shut against the blinding heat of the sun as it broke through the window.
Just lost control.
Kate moved closer but clenched her right hand, steadying herself for what was coming next.
He knew that he did not have to explain those images to Kate. He did not have to because she had shared every one of them.
It was Kate who had taken his hand and stood by his side every step on that day, until she was too exhausted to go on.
Kate who had slept on the sofa so that she could be with him.
Kate who had tried to balance out the overwhelming despair which had turned to anger over the next few horrific days.
Kate who had tried to make him understand that his mother needed him.
Kate who had taken the brunt of all of his rage against the mother he loved so much but who in his eyes had betrayed his father and caused his death, who he could not bring himself to speak to face to face.
Kate who had held him when he cried.
Kate who told him that he could get through this.
And Kate who had had the power to destroy him when she’d refused to go with him. She had been his only friend, his best friend. And more.
‘You made me choose between staying with my family and being with you. It was hard, Simon. So very hard. And you need to know that if it hadn’t been for Gemma I would have packed my rucksack, taken your hand and walked away from all that chaos. And, believe me, I wanted to do that just as much as you did.’
Her voice quivered with the intensity of her feelings, and it was all there in her eyes for him to see.
She was telling him the truth. After all these years. And, whether it was absolution or regret that he was feeling, Simon felt as though a spring that had been held tight inside his heart had suddenly uncoiled.