In the darkest of nights with only the glow of a crescent moon hanging high in the sky, we sat on the hill, remembering and wallowing in our sadness. The last two months hadn’t been easy for either of us, but Crosby had been taking the wrath from our small town that wanted to point a finger. I saw it in the deep, dark circles under his eyes and the way his skin hung off his bones.
The boy—once full of laughter, cockiness, and brawn—had whittled himself down to a cold, hollow shell of a guy who couldn’t meet my eyes.
“My parents are moving,” he whispered.
I wish I were surprised by the news, but I wasn’t. Rumors had been filling the streets that the Lynches were getting harassing phone calls, and people were asking Preacher Lynch to step down from the church.
“They think it will be easier on Spencer,” he said.
Hearing the confirmation from his lips stabbed my heart as fierce as when Ariel told me. We were in the same spot as the night of the accident. He brought his knees up and rested his forearms on them, staring out at the factory. His outlook on life was now scorned from the night when he’d held the world in his hands.
“Where?”
“Reckling, Colorado.”
“Colorado?” I was taken aback. I’d thought for sure it’d be only a few towns over. Maybe a few hours’ drive. Hours that would mean nothing to us because we were the lucky couple, but Colorado was a two-day drive.
“They want to get far away, and my uncle got my dad into a church there.” He plucked a blade of grass, wrapping it around his finger.
“Well, you’re going to Vanderbilt, and we’ll figure out a way to see each other during holidays.” I was desperately trying to find some sort of hope in this thunderous cloud closing in on us.
We’d thought we’d have summers, Christmases, and spring breaks to see one another while we attended different colleges. Now, that would not be the case.
“I’m not going to Vanderbilt.”
“What?” I whipped around and scooted in front of him, giving him no choice but to look at me.
Still, he focused on the patch of grass. “I’m going to go to junior college out there.”
“Cros, you have to take the scholarship. What happened was not your fault!” I gripped his arms, thinking I could change his mind.
My arm went up in the air as he stood fast to his feet, leaving me sitting. He stalked to the edge of the hill, and I followed, wanting to comfort him.
“Have you ever thought about ending it?” he mumbled.
My feet stopped inches away from him. I hung my head while my blood rushed through my veins. I had thought about it, many times during the first month. The plaguing question was, How could either of us ever move on?
“That’s not our future, Crosby. There’s a reason we survived.” I was desperate to talk sense into him. I’d lost two friends, and I wasn’t about to lose the guy who held my dreams. “We have to move forward. Eyes ahead.” I reminded him of his dad’s trademark line.
Preacher Lynch had said it to the congregation days after the accident. At that point, the town had been in the denial phase of grief, like robots mindlessly functioning through the days. It wasn’t until three weeks later when Kedsey’s mom had snapped her fingers, like a magician, that most of the town switched to the anger phase.
“No, we don’t.” He left the edge of the hill.
I released a breath I hadn’t known I was holding. I sat next to him in the same place he had been moments before. Linking my arm through his, I placed my head on his shoulder, desperate for us to find our place together again. “I know it’s hard, but time will heal us.”
“Please spare me the preacher talk, Ella. I’ve gotten enough of it over breakfasts, dinners, and late-night walks. My dad called in all his Preacher friends to make sure this doesn’t ruin me. He’s mad that I turned down my scholarship.” For the first time that night, his eyes met mine. “How can I continue my life?”
Crosby had stopped showing me any affection after the funerals. I’d thought he was afraid to hurt my injuries. But, deep down, I knew. Neither one of us would ever go back to what we had been before the accident.
What Crosby said next strengthened my suspicions. It wasn’t only my parents lecturing