waist, rested his forehead between her breasts, and took one deep groaning breath. He did not take another.
Oh no. Sonja lifted her arms away and lowered him cautiously onto his cot. She put her ear to his chest and listened.
I can’t hear his heart, she said.
I held on to Mooshum too. Should we do mouth-to-mouth resuscitation? CPR? What? Sonja?
I don’t know.
We looked down at him. His eyes were closed. He was smiling. He looked the happiest I’d seen him.
He’s in a dream now, Sonja said tenderly. Her words burst through a sob. He’s going away. Let’s not disturb him. She leaned over Mooshum, smoothing his hair back and murmuring.
He opened his eyes once, smiled at her, closed his eyes again.
Maybe his heart is beating after all! Sonja knelt down and put her ear to his chest again, biting on her lip.
I hear a thump or two, she said, relieved.
Dazed, I watched Mooshum for signs of life. But he did not stir.
Pick my stuff up, said Sonja, her head still on Mooshum’s chest. Yes, she said. There’s a beat. They’re just coming really slow. And I think he took a breath.
I went around the room picking up her things, took them into the bathroom, and put them in the shopping bag. I brought the tracksuit and tennis shoes into the bedroom and turned my back as she put them on. I wouldn’t look at her.
When she was all dressed, she picked up the shopping bag holding her stripper outfit and dropped it at my feet.
Keep it, jerk off in it, I don’t care, she said. She plucked a fallen tassel I’d missed off the floor and threw it in my face.
I’m really sorry, I said.
Sorry doesn’t cut it. But I couldn’t care less. You know where I’m from?
No.
Outside Duluth. That’s a nice town, right?
Yeah, I guess.
I went to a Catholic school. I finished eighth grade. Know how I made it through?
No.
My mom. My mom was a Catholic. Yeah. She went to church. She went—she worked the boats. Know what she did?
No.
She went with men, Joe. Know what that means?
I mumbled something.
That’s how I came along in the first place. She tried to keep her own money too. Know what that means, Joe?
No.
She got beat up a lot. She took drugs, too. And guess what? I never met my dad. I never saw him, but my mom was good to me sometimes, sometimes not, whatever. I quit school, had my baby. I did not learn nothing. Anything. My mom said if you got nothing, you can strip. Just dance around, right? Don’t do nothing more, just dance around. I had a friend, she was doing it, making money. I said yes, I wouldn’t do any other stuff. Think I did something else?
No.
I got stuck in that life. Then I met Whitey, see. They open up more bars for dancing during the hunting season. Whitey courted me. Followed me around the circuit. Whitey started protecting me. He asked me to quit. Come live with me, he says. I didn’t ask if he would marry me. You know why, Joe?
No.
I’ll tell you. I didn’t think I was worth marrying, that’s why. Not worth marrying. Why should even an over-the-hill Elvis with a bridge for teeth, an old guy no more educated than me, a drunk who hits me, why should even a guy like that marry me, huh?
I don’t know. I thought . . .
You thought we were married. Well, no. Whitey did not do me that honor, though I got a cheap ring. I don’t give a rat’s ass now. And you. I treated you good, didn’t I?
Yes.
But all along you just were itching. Sneaking a good look at my tits when you thought I didn’t know. You think I didn’t notice?
My face was so red and hot that my skin burned.
Yeah, I noticed, said Sonja. Take a good look now. Close up. See this?
I couldn’t look.
Open your frickin’ eyes.
I looked. A thin white scar ran up the side and around the nipple of her left breast.
My manager did that with a razor, Joe. I wouldn’t take a hunting party. Think your threats scare me?
No.
Yeah, no. You’re crying, aren’t you? Cry all you want, Joe. Lots of men cry after they do something nasty to a woman. I don’t have a daughter anymore. I thought of you like my son. But you just turned into another piece a shit guy. Another gimme-gimme asshole, Joe. That’s all you are.