The Rose & the Dagger (The Wrath and the Dawn #2) - Renee Ahdieh Page 0,18

with this matter. It is not”—she jabbed a finger into his chest—“your place to dole out justice on my behalf!”

“Do you truly believe the emir will punish him for what he did today? He won’t. And now I have no idea where Teymur is. For I doubt that fiend was sent away to be dealt with, as you’d so like to believe. He’s gone and, with him, all sense of justice!” Tariq threw his arms wide, his face marred by exasperation. “Did you know Teymur was set to marry into the emir’s family? It’s possible the emir even put him up to the task.”

“You will not seek revenge on my behalf, Tariq Imran al-Ziyad. I forbid—”

He grabbed her by the shoulders. “I will do as I damned well please, Shahrzad al-Khayzuran!” His voice was raw in its torment. “I denied myself what I wanted once out of principle, and not a day goes by that I don’t regret that decision with every fiber of my being!”

The sound of his anguish spiraled up into a desert night, across a vast spread of tiny stars.

Through Shahrzad’s very skin.

Without a word, Shahrzad took his hand and led him into the desert, far beyond the enclave of tents. When she finally turned to face him, Tariq appeared to have aged a decade in a matter of moments.

They stared at each other across a small sea of glittering sand. Across years of friendship and trust, seemingly lost in an instant.

“Do you ever think about that night?” Tariq could not meet her eyes as he posed the quiet question.

For a time, she was unsure how to respond.

“You did the right thing,” Shahrzad said, studying the infinite grains as they slid around her toes. “I put you in an impossible situation. An inappropriate one.”

“That’s not what I asked you.”

She lifted her gaze. “Yes. I’ve thought about it.”

He shifted from one foot to the other, this boy who was never awkward, hurting her heart with his uncommon awkwardness. “May I ask why you came to my room that night?”

Tariq deserved her honesty. For all those stolen kisses in shadowed corners. For all those years of unfailing love.

For starting a war to save her.

She held his gaze, though the ache in her chest made her want to run far and fast.

“Because I wanted to feel.”

“Shahrzad—”

“I wanted—no, needed—to feel something.” There was a gentle resolve to her words. “I thought that, if I lost myself in your arms, I might feel something again. Then I could mourn for Shiva and move on. But you were right to turn me away. I never resented you for it. Please believe me when I say that,” she finished in a soft tone.

Tariq was silent for a long while. She watched the pain in his eyes fade, replaced by bitter resignation. “I believe you. It doesn’t change the fact that I’ve resented myself almost every day since.” He took two steps toward her and stopped, hesitant.

Shahrzad sensed his indecision. Her fingers gripped the folds of Irsa’s shahmina.

He’s waiting for me to ask him why.

And he’s afraid of what will happen when I do.

Her toes curled within her sandals, grinding the silt against her skin. “Why have you resented yourself?”

Tariq pressed his lips into a thin line. The muscles in his neck leapt out as he swallowed hard. He appeared to be arranging his words before speaking, again so uncharacteristic of her first love.

Then his eyes found hers and held them, fierce in their conviction. “Because I know that, had I given us both what we wanted that night, you would be my wife now, instead of his.”

Her head snapped back, aghast. “Is—is that what you thought I was doing?” Shahrzad managed to sputter. “That I went to your room as the daughter of a poor librarian, planning to leave as the wife of a future emir?” She glared up at him, propping her arms akimbo. “It was not my intention to force you into marriage, you arrogant ass! Had I shared your bed that night, I would never have expected you to propose marriage the following day!”

“My God, is that what you think I’m saying?”

“What else am I supposed to think when—”

He shot forward, covering her mouth with his hand. Silently pleading for a stay of execution.

After a beat, Shahrzad nodded, though her indignation hummed through the air. Tariq removed his palm and she detected the faintest hint of amusement in his expression. A trace of the boy she’d always known. And greatly missed