eating that scorpion he was playing with a few minutes ago.
“Ehi bastardy,” he says in passing.
He speaks Italian, as does Ezra, but I don’t. He could have said hello to me, and I wouldn’t have known. So I wave at him and continue packing.
Ez notices. “You leaving?”
“Yeah, I gotta get out of here,” I tell him. I don’t know where I’m going, but if I stay here, I might be the next blood bath in Luca’s car.
“Cool. So, Remi and I are gonna get a place together to finish out the year. She’s having my baby.”
“What?” I snap my eyes to his. “Really?”
“Yeah, my knee’s fucked.” He shrugs one shoulder. “I’m not making it to the big leagues. Might as well live the American dream then.”
“What?” My heart quickens. I’ve always thought I’d see Ez in the big leagues someday. Probably not on the same team, but he’s talented as fuck. No way he should give that up. Even if he’s going to be a dad. “You’re not serious, are you?”
He smiles and then bursts out laughing. “No, fuck no.” Standing, he motions toward his room. “I’m going back to bed.”
I sigh in relief. “Dude, you nearly gave me a heart attack.”
“I know.” He slaps his hand to my chest in passing, much like his uncle did in the driveway. “Your face was priceless though.”
I need to find a room to rent.
Term used when base runners are on first and third base.
SYDNEY
My grandma used to tell me that communication is the golden ticket to marriage. She followed it up with “Sweetheart, if you can put his dick in your mouth, you can talk to him about what bothers you.”
At first I imagined my grandpa’s dick (terrifying) and then said dick in my grandma’s mouth. While I quickly decided that those two images needed to be burned out of my brain for good, I thought about what she said. It’s easy to be physical with someone, but emotional? The conversations that usually start with I feel, and I need, that’s the shit that makes a relationship strong and takes years to develop. It doesn’t always come easy for two people either. Especially for an emotionally withdrawn extrovert like me.
And it’s even harder when the other one in the relationship is a narcissist.
My point in all this: I could have avoided all this hurt that keeps surfacing inside me if I would have had the nerve to talk to him. After Tatum was born, I knew something in him had changed. Maybe he didn’t find me attractive anymore. I mean, he did watch a human being come out of my vagina. Maybe that scared him, and he could no longer look at my cootie with the love and affection she deserved.
I’ll tell you who did though.
Cason. He wasn’t lying when he said I’d still be thinking of him the next day. Every time I shift, smile, laugh, I know it’s because of him.
Nahla hands me a check for five thousand dollars. “What’s this for?”
“The insurance company sent this over. It’s what was left after they totaled his car and paid off the loan.”
Okay, so this would give me some room.
I look to Nahla as we sit around the fire pit in my backyard later that night. Tatum and Sadie are sitting in the hot tub pretending the bubbles are their farts and then laughing hysterically while saying, “You stink!”
“Then what should I do?” I ask Nahla, lifting my wineglass to my lips. I’ve sworn off the pot brownies, but wine, don’t ask for a commitment like that. “Do I have any options with the bank and the foreclosure?”
She thumps through the stack of papers she has on her lap. “If you make the past due payment within thirty days, you can stop the foreclosure.”
“And the life insurance money?”
“We don’t know if it’s going to pay out. He was a dumbass and upped the coverage a month before his death and…” She pauses, taking in a deep breath. “I’m really sorry, but he changed the sole beneficiary to Tatum. Which means the money will be put into a trust for her until she turns eighteen. You can’t touch it.”
My throat tightens again. Okay, that’s not horrible, and at least he was thinking of Tatum because up until now, I wasn’t so sure he’d even considered her in any of these moves.
“You will still get the accidental death policy he had through the bank, though, but that’s not enough to cover the amount of