"It's a garter belt, actually."
"That's what I said. And what the hell did you wear all this sexy stuff for if you don't want me touching you? Don't tell me those morons set me up with a tease."
"I'm not a tease! The girl at the bridal store talked me into all this. She said it's what women wear under wedding gowns. How would I know? I've never done this before."
"Exactly! You're supposed to be wearing that for me. It's our wedding night. We're supposed to commiserate."
I stifle a giggle. "Consummate. And, sorry for the disappointment, but we're not."
"What does that mean?"
"I'm sorry." I try to squirm away from him, but he's not budging with his hold on me. "I'm just not ready for this. This is too fast to do with a stranger. Married or not. I don't just jump into bed with people. I need some time to get used to you, and get to know you…be attracted to you." At that, he drops his hold on me as if I've burned him, and I almost fall over.
"Wait a minute," he says. "You're not attracted to me?"
"You're not really my type or what I pictured."
He scoffs and shakes his wet hair, flinging drops of water onto me. "All women are attracted to me, babe. I've never met one who wasn't."
"Surprise." I let out a little laugh. "You just married one, unfortunately. I'm not into the long hair and tattoos. At all."
He crosses his arms over his inked chest. "That's fuckin' great. I'm not about to get out a cheese grater and scrape all my ink off, honey. So you're gonna have to get into it."
"Don't be ridiculous." Carefully stepping out of the dress at my feet, I head for the closet near the door, feeling his eyes on me every step of the way. I yank one of the thick robes off its hanger and quickly pull it on.
"I definitely see implants in our future, so I guess we're even, then."
"Implants?" I repeat, confused. "What are you talking about?"
"I'm a boob man. And you're definitely lacking in that department."
My mouth falls open. "Oh, hell no. I am not altering my body for you."
Flopping down onto the couch, he runs his hands through his long, wet hair. "Lemme get this straight. You hate to travel, you got no tits, you're short, you hate long hair and tattoos, you probably hate my music, and you're not attracted to me. At all."
"Yeah. That about sums this up. Actually, I do like your music, from what I remember."
"What the fuck did we answer all those questions for? I asked for a hot, tall, sexy as fuck blond with big tits who loves to travel." He points to me. "Instead, I get a flat dwarf who can barely look me in the eye, doesn't want me to touch her, and won't get on a plane."