I nod and laugh a little. “I think ‘still’ is probably more accurate than ‘again’, Tal.”
He shakes his head at me and looks back at his brothers. “He’s a fucking mess, guys. He shouldn’t be here.”
Storm’s huge dog, Niko, trots over and lays his head on my leg. I sink my hands into his long fur. Katie loved this dog and would use him as a pillow, laying her head on him and napping with him on the floor while we practiced for hours. I planned to get her a puppy for her next birthday. I lean over and rest my head against the dog’s big furry head. I want to feel what Katie felt.
“Vandal, for fuck’s sake. We know you’re hurting, but this shit has to stop. You can’t just keep drinking like this; you’re ruining your life. Katie wouldn’t want you like this. We don’t want you like this.” Storm’s voice gets the dog’s attention, so he leaves me and goes back to his master’s side.
“We have a tour coming up, Van. Soon,” Asher reminds me. “There is no way in hell you can play like this. I refuse to let you fuck up my band with your shit. I don’t care how fucking good you play. We’ve all been working our asses off, and we’re all trying to help you, but you can’t be drunk or high twenty-four seven.”
Storm steps in front of Asher and puts his hand on his shoulder, always the peacemaker. “Vandal, we’ve all been talking. You know we’ve been trying like hell to help you, but you won’t even try to help yourself.” He takes a deep breath and pets Niko’s head before looking up at me again. “We think it’s best if you step out of the band for a while, and we have someone else fill in for you for the tour. Hopefully next year you’ll feel better and can come back. That’s what we all want. We just think you need some more time; maybe you should go back into rehab for a while or talk to the doctor. Whatever you need.”
I can’t believe this shit; they’re kicking me out. Katie and the band were my life. Being in Ashes & Embers is like a dream for me. All the years of practicing and playing gigs finally got me somewhere. Ash didn’t bring me into the band because he liked me, or because I was family. That fucker hates me. But he loves the way I play bass and my style fits in with them perfectly.
I stand up and look at Storm, swaying a little as the room blurs. “Feel better? Is that what I need to do? I didn’t realize I was sick.”
Storm takes a drag on his stupid e-cig and blows vapor up into the air. “That’s not what I meant. I’m trying to be nice.”
I flash him an evil grin. “Ya know who’s nice, Storm? Your girlfriend. Do you ever wonder why she’s at my house every week? Maybe she’s bored at home. I think she wants to be tied to my bed.”
Storm lunges at me. “You motherfucker!”
Talon grabs him and pulls back Storm’s clenched fist that’s aimed at my face. “Don’t waste your time, Storm,” Talon says. “He doesn’t even know what he’s saying. He’s fuckin’ wasted.”
“As usual,” Asher adds. “Just leave and let us know when you can be serious about the band again. We don’t have time for all this bullshit. I’ve got my own issues to deal with.”
I grab my bass and turn to him, glaring at him eye to eye and then lowering my gaze to his chest. I flick the old skeleton key necklace hanging around his neck that he never takes off.
“You need to deal with reality, Cuz,” I mumble. “She ain’t never coming back.”
He seethes at me. “Get the fuck out of here,” he growls through clenched teeth.
I slam the door on my way out and head for my car. Fuck them. They’ll never find a decent bass player to replace me, and the fans will go ballistic. I’m one of the most popular members of the band. They’ll be begging me to come back, drunk or not.
When I get behind the wheel again to go home, I know I shouldn’t be driving, but I just don’t give a shit anymore. I have nothing left to lose that matters. I want to tempt the hand of fate as much as I can because I should have died in that crash too, and fate fucked up. Nothing wrong with me giving a helping hand to the powers that be.
Vandal