It was too soon. Especially with the real him standing right behind me. I felt his aura on my back. I smelled him in the air. That kiss had destroyed me then…watching it was salt to the wound and I couldn’t breathe.
“Go dance with your friends. Yule is a time to enjoy.”
My eyes flew open at the sound of Past-Riah’s voice.
“Riah—”
“Just once,” Past-Riah whispered and held his finger to my mouth. Then he leaned down and pressed his lips to past-mine…then slowly backed away. “If only you knew.”
And then Past-Riah was gone, leaving past-me in the cold. I tried to watch where he went but still I missed it, even knowing who and what he was. The tears I’d been holding in burst free and rained down my face. I stared at myself, at past-me standing in the snow under the canopy of lights…just weeping.
Seeing my own pain just broke me.
Because past-me had no idea. I hadn’t known that I’d fallen in love with him three hundred and twenty-seven years prior. I hadn’t known that those feelings for him had never gone away…that I’d never truly gotten over him…that I’d never fixed that broken heart.
And I hadn’t known what he would do to me just days later.
I felt hollow inside. Like I’d been gutted. Like someone reached in and yanked my heart from my chest while it still beat.
“If you only knew,” I whispered through the hot lump in my throat. Tears rained down my face and tasted like salt as they passed my lips. “Why are you so heartless?”
I turned to face the real Riah standing behind me…and my breath left me in a rush.
He looked destroyed. He looked like how I felt on the inside. His gold eyes glistened like he had tears threatening to spill over as he watched past-me crying. “Please. Please let me explain—"
I pointed to where past-me stood in his wake still crying. “You had your chance. I asked you. You chose to lie. You could’ve told me the truth—”
“I couldn’t tell you—”
“WHY?” I screamed and my throat burned from crying. Tears burned paths down my cheeks. My hands trembled. My chest was on fire and I knew I wasn’t breathing. “Why do this to me? Why didn’t you just grab me that first night on the wharf when you had the chance? Why did you have to make me—"
I slammed my mouth shut and covered it with my hand before I betrayed myself by admitting to him just how hard I’d fallen for him. I turned and leapt toward this past-version of me but Riah’s big, warm hand gripped my arm.
He pulled me to a stop. “Go out there and you change the future.”
“Oh, is that how I can erase you from my life? I’ll take it.”
He dropped my arm and stepped back like he’d been gutted.
Yet still, I didn’t mean that. Even with all the pain he’d caused I regretted saying that. I turned and ran. I didn’t care where I ended up, I just needed to be away from him. Tegan had told me to stay there but I couldn’t. I couldn’t stand there and not lose whatever was left of my heart. I wouldn’t survive it.
She was tracking me. She’d find me.
I dug my heels into the snow and sprinted.
“Saraphina. PLEASE!”
Every single part of me wanted to turn back to him but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. I refused.
Then, like a gift from the Goddess, rainbow mist flashed right in front of me.
“Get in! It’s open!” Tegan screamed into my mind. “Hurry, I can’t hold it!”
The tunnel opened within the rainbow mist and I didn’t hesitate. I dove in…and collapsed to my knees. My breaths were ragged. My lungs screamed. I didn’t care that I was a sobbing, weeping mess. I was done. Broken. Beaten and bruised. I couldn’t take any more of the torture.
“Has Zachariah retrieved her yet?” A deep male voice echoed down the tunnel.
I gasped and sat up straight. That voice…that voice was Prince Thorne. My blood turned cold. I cursed and glanced around in a panic…for what, I didn’t know. I had no help here. I was alone. I couldn’t beat Prince Thorne on my best day, and this was by-far my worst day. A cold gust of wind swept over my back. I glanced over my shoulder and found that the tunnel opening Tegan made was still open. Without another thought, I pushed off my feet and dove back out of the tunnel.