Simone killed a man to protect herself and her unborn baby.
All of it seems so petty with the breaking news of genocide and war happening on the other side of the world.
Tears burn the back of my eyes but trying to blink them away does the opposite. That’s how Jinx finds me when he walks back into the room. Wetness coats my cheeks, and I can’t even look at him.
“I brought coffee,” he offers, but when I don’t reach for the offered cup, he places it on the tray to the left of me. “Whenever you feel like drinking it, or if you’re hungry, I can go grab you something to eat. The cafeteria isn’t open yet, but they have vending machines on the second floor.”
“No thanks,” I mumble, keeping my eyes on my hands and letting the tears fall.
“Are you hurting?”
He doesn’t reach for me like he did earlier. He doesn’t place a comforting hand on my arm. He walked out earlier, all of this too much for him. It makes me wonder why he’s here now. Unless everything hit Rocker and it’s Jinx’s turn to feel obligated to me while his best friend slinks away in anger.
These are all questions I could physically ask, but at the same time I don’t feel like I have a right to the answers. Being pregnant doesn’t give me a say in either of their lives. They aren’t obligated to me in any form, and as much as I can understand that, it doesn’t stop it from hurting me inside.
“Simone?”
I tilt my head up, letting him know I’m listening but unable to meet his eyes. I’ve had enough people look at me with disappointment filling their faces to last a lifetime. I just can’t handle more of the same right now.
“Are you in pain? I can call the nurse.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re crying.”
Jinx’s bluntness doesn’t surprise me. He’s always said what’s on his mind regardless of what others think or how they will respond. Most of the time it’s hysterical but laughing right now isn’t possible for me.
“It’s been a rough twenty-four hours.” Hell, it’s been a rough life, but he isn’t interested in the details, I’m sure.
“Do you need anything?”
“I’m fine,” I repeat.
“Isn’t that what women say when they’re anything but fine?”
“You don’t have to stick around,” I tell him instead of engaging in a topic on my out of control emotions.
“We’re not leaving you alone.” He pats my hand before sitting in the chair to my right.
We.
As in Rocker and him.
They’re a team, and I’m the job. Maybe being alone, even though I hate the very idea of it, would be better for all involved. Are they taking bets, having conversations about not wanting a kid and how fucked up it is that I’m pregnant? Are they praying individually that they aren’t the father so they can walk away? Are they pissed there isn’t a third man’s hat in the ring so there is a possibility that neither of them will be saddled with a lifelong responsibility?
“I didn’t try to trap you.” He remains silent. “Or Rocker.”
“We were all responsible for what happened that night.” His words hold part of the burden, but his eyes look heated, full of agitation at the mere thought.
When I peed on the stick last week, in the bar bathroom of all places, I prayed for a negative test. I didn’t want this any more than they clearly do. I didn’t and still don’t want to be a single mother. Hell, after what I’ve gone through with Jeremy, I never even entertained the idea of children. They would just be another way for that evil man to hurt me.
But then something shifted. After those two lines popped up much faster than the test said they would, I couldn’t get the baby off my brain. I messed up orders at work. I started eating healthier immediately. I changed without hesitation.
Every second became about this baby. I began to hope. I began to wonder what he or she would be like. I began to watch other women with their children wondering what type of mother I could be. By the third day of knowing, I was already making plans for our future, mine and the baby’s, not Rocker or Jinx.
I knew the possibility of being a single parent was high, and I was okay with it. After the initial fear began to subside, determination straightened my spine, and I was a hundred percent on board with being the best