Rocked (The Everyday Heroes World) - Julia Wolf Page 0,83

to know that’s not a possibility.”

“I’ve known you for a fraction of the time he has, and I’m very well aware of that.” Devon reached out and pushed my hair off my face. “I miss you.”

Sighing through the tightness in my chest, I turned back to the stove, regretting the loss of my spoon. “Devon…”

“I can’t tell you I miss you?”

“No. I don’t want to know that.” If I kept saying that, maybe it would be true.

He moved behind me, brushing my hair to one side, and I barely suppressed a shudder when his calloused fingertips grazed the side of my neck.

“I miss you, Kat.” Devon’s breath was warm beside my ear, and it took all my willpower not to lean my head back on his shoulder. “Not just your body. All of you. How easy it is to be with you. How much fucking fun we have together. I miss it.”

“Devon, stop.” I twisted to face him. “Let’s hang out and have dinner. We don’t need to go deeper than that. I can’t go deeper than that with you.”

He backed away completely, leaning his hip against the counter. “I get it. I heard you. It’s just hard to stand in this kitchen with you and pretend. It hasn’t even been two weeks since we were in LA, but that already feels like a lifetime ago.”

Turning back to the stove, I stayed quiet, stirring pasta with a new spoon. What could I say? There were a thousand things I wanted to, but none of them would ever be voiced. What I wanted and what I could have were two opposing forces, pushing at me from both sides. I was battered, not by indecision, but by the decision I had easily made.

Put Ellie first.

Push my feelings aside.

Be safe.

After dinner, Ellie and Devon played their guitars on the patio, but I stayed inside. If I saw how naturally the two of them got along, how much Devon seemed to truly enjoy my kid and the way Ellie returned his admiration, my resolve might not remain quite as steadfast.

So, I hummed to “Glycerine” as they played, wishing like hell the first man I’d wanted to maybe take a chance with wasn’t a week away from walking out of my life forever. But maybe the impossibility of us was exactly why I was thinking of taking a chance with Devon. The risk was temporary, and knowing he’d leave made him seem safer, even though I knew there was nothing safe about Devon Chambers when it came to my heart.

As Devon left for the evening, he paused at the front door. “Will you guys be around tomorrow?”

I shook my head, my fingers curled around the edge of the door. “No, I’m working.”

He bowed his head. “All right. Be safe. I’ll see you when you’re home again.”

Right. Be safe. That was what I kept telling myself.

Rainer and I were drying our unit after we’d washed it when we got the call. We looked at each other, tossed our towels down, and climbed inside.

Our frequent flyer, Mary, had been found unresponsive by her neighbor, who called 911. Neither of us spoke as we drove the familiar route to the equally familiar tidy, brick Cape Cod-style house. She and her husband had bought it as newlyweds, and when he passed away fifty years later, she’d never once thought of selling it. Her kids and grandkids came to stay often, so she liked having room for them.

I’d learned all this information over several of her ambulance rides. She’d told me her entire life story over the years, when she wasn’t babbling about her symptoms or asking for my “expert” opinion.

The scene in front of Mary’s house wasn’t familiar, though. Several people stood on the front lawn, their expressions stricken. As Rainer and I rushed toward the house, they parted for us, hushed words of disbelief floating through the air as we passed.

Inside, a quietly crying older woman directed us to Mary, who was sitting peacefully in her recliner. My first thought was Mary had pulled her neighborhood into her hypochondria. She looked like she was taking a nap. But she wasn’t. I didn’t have to touch her to know she had passed away some time ago. The color of her lips and stillness around her told me that story.

Pulling my professional shield down, I went through the motions, checking her pulse and taking care of her the best way I knew how—just like my old partner Cary Grimes taught