got to talking about stuff, and before I knew it, I had talked to a lot of people. I still went shopping, though, like you asked,” he says, showing me the bags in his hand. “Even though I didn’t want to.”
I am incredulous. “Are you trying to guilt-trip me?”
“Is it working?”
“No!”
“Oh.”
“Cal!”
“Benji.” He smiles, and it causes my heart to stutter. He puts the bags on the floor and takes a step toward the counter. “You’re looking at me differently,” he says with great interest.
I take a step back. “I am not,” I snap at him. “I was just worried is all. You can’t go around being like you are!”
He frowns. “How else am I supposed to be? If there’s one thing I’ve learned about human nature, is that it is imperative to be who you are.”
“You’re not human,” I say, instantly regretting my words as his face falls.
“I know,” he says, looking down at his hands.
“That’s not what I—”
“It’s okay, you know. You’re right. I’m not human. I shouldn’t be expected to act like one.” He shakes his head. “But of all people in this world, Benji, I thought it would be you who’d understand what it’s like to be different.”
Shit. I’ve hurt him. I think. “I just don’t want anything to happen to you.”
He looks up at me again. “Nothing’s going to happen to me.” He tries to reassure me, the small smile returning, as if he hopes what he’ll say next will please me. “You know what I found today?”
“What?”
He leans onto the counter, flexing his big arms, the fabric of the shirt straining against him. “I’m pretty much bigger than anyone here,” he says confidently. He flexes again. He watches me watching him and the smile grows. “Many people told me how big I am. How strong I look.”
“Did they?” I manage to choke out.
“Yes, there was one lady who wanted me to take her to dinner. She told me to call her. I told her I don’t have a phone and she said that was okay, we could just go around back where no one could see us.”
I see red. “Did she?” I snarl, unable to stop myself. I bet it was that stupid bitch Suzie Goodman who works at the pharmacy. That fucking slut—
“No,” he says, eyes sparkling. “That was a joke. I found out today that I enjoy humor and I can tell jokes after all. It turns out I am pretty funny. Isn’t that great?”
I look away. “Bastard,” I whisper.
“Look at me,” he says, his voice changing, becoming deeper, stronger.
I can’t stop myself. I don’t want to stop myself. He looks into my eyes and I hold my breath. “Yeah,” he finally says with surety in his voice. “You’re looking at me differently.”
Dammit.
“Why were you telling people I belong to you?”
Cal grins. “Because you do. All of you here do. I am the guardian angel of Roseland. It is my job. You all belong to me.”
“Oh,” I say, unable to stop it from sounding like I’m disappointed.
He turns away from the counter to pick up his bags. “But especially you,” he says over his shoulder as he heads for the small office in the back.
I stare after him.
I can see it in your eyes, my mother whispers in my head. Even now, there’s something there.
He will need you as much as you’ll need him, Big Eddie says.
You’re looking at me differently.
I am so fucking screwed.
revelation
I am at mile marker seventy-seven.
The gray sky opens up and rain falls down.
I stand on the river’s edge.
Feathers. Crosses.
A truck crashes and flips into the water, its rear angled up.
I am in the river.
A shadow of a figure stands on the road, watching.
“Benji,” a voice calls. It is not my angel.
My angel, I think, confused.
The water is up to my chest. It’s cold, causing my teeth to chatter. The mud in
the riverbed is up to my ankles and is as strong as it’s ever been. Each step is nearly impossible. My legs strain against the suction and current.
“Benji,” the voice calls again.
It’s coming from the truck.
A strong arm around my chest and I’m pulled away, away, away.
I am wary of him over the next few days. There are times I wake up in the middle
of the night and he’s gone, following threads only he can see, the nest outside my bedroom door empty. These are the moments I feel relief I won’t admit to out loud, a small part of me thinking it might be okay if he