asks, his voice getting weaker. “Why must we suffer? Why must we hurt?” His words are like an echo, and I think Michael.
There’s a pause. Then, “How else can you truly have faith?” Cal doesn’t sound like he believes his own words. They sound like recitation. “How else could we know how to love unless it’s gone?”
“Can you save me?”
“No. Not in the way you’re thinking.”
“He’ll ask questions. He’s my son. He’s smart. He won’t let this go. He could get hurt. He could die.”
“I know,” Cal says roughly. “I don’t want that to happen, either.”
“You have to protect him. If you are who you say you are, if you’re a guardian angel, if you’ve been watching us all this time, then I’m asking you. No, I’m begging you. Do your duty. Guard him. Protect him with everything you can. Never take your eyes off him and let no harm come to him. Do you promise me?”
Hesitation. “Big Eddie, I—”
“Promise me!” Big Eddie roars in the dark. “You fucking promise me! This is my son! You fucking promise me!”
A beat of time. I float in the black water. Then a whisper: “I promise.”
“I won’t cross,” Big Eddie swears. “Not yet. Not while there’s still a chance he could get hurt. He’ll need me.”
“You can’t wait,” Calliel says, sounding horrified. “You have to cross, Edward! If you don’t, you might be stuck in limbo forever.”
“I don’t care. As long as my son is safe, my family is safe, I don’t care.”
I hear the defeat in Cal’s voice. “There may come a time when you will care, Big Eddie, and I don’t know if there will be time to save you.”
My father’s quiet as he says, “It doesn’t matter, angel. I still have a job to do, and so do you, now. You promised me.”
“Yes,” Calliel whispers. “I know. I….”
“What?”
“I’ve watched you. For a long time. You, while you were young. You and your son. Benji. You know he believes the sun sets and rises with you, right? That you hung the moon and the stars for all the world to see?”
My father sobs quietly. “I know. I know. Don’t you think I know that? Ah, God. I can’t leave him. I just can’t. How can God want this? How could he think this was ever right?”
“I promise,” Cal says, his voice stronger, “that I will do everything I can for Benji. I promise you he will know peace again. It will take time, but one day, he’ll look to the sky and the sun will rise above the horizon and warm his face. He will know peace. I promise you.”
“Why? Why would you do this? Why did you promise me?”
“Because I love him,” the angel Calliel says. “As I love you. You are all mine to cherish. And I have cherished you for so long. All of you.”
“Angel?”
“Yes, Big Eddie?”
“I’m tired.” And he is. I can hear it. It’s like knives embedded in my skin.
“It’s time to sleep, Edward Benjamin Green. If you will not cross, you will need your strength. I can’t say what will happen to you, but if you stand, if you can stand and be true, then there may be hope for us all.”
“I’m….” He sighs.
“What?”
“I’m scared. Will you… will you stay with me? Until the end?”
“Until the very end. You’ve led a beautiful life filled with love and honor. Remember that, as it will warm you like fire and help keep the river away.”
“Will you tell him? Will you tell Benji I love him?”
A shuddering breath. “He knows. Oh, Edward, how he knows. But yes. Of course, yes. I will remind him every day. It may just be a touch, but he’ll know.”
Silence. Then:
“Your feathers. They’re….”
“Yes.”
“They are so… blue… and….” His voice trails off and doesn’t return.
“Good night, Big Eddie,” Cal says with a catch in his voice. “I will not forget my promise. Sleep and go with the grace of my Father. May you find peace, old friend.”
And in this dark, in this river, I open my mouth to scream. Water floods in and down my throat and I can’t breathe, I can’t take a breath, and I’m drowning, drowning, and I—
I open my eyes.
And groan as pain washes over me in rolling waves. My entire body aches like I’m covered in bruises from head to toe. My face is sticky and my ankle is on fire. My limbs are screaming at me. I try to stretch them out, but I can’t move very far,