only stops when the black hole takes shape next to him, and then he freezes, a strangled cry coming from his lips.
Cal lifts Traynor up and over the railing until he is hanging in empty space, the river below him flowing wildly. Traynor starts to flail again, his legs kicking nothing but air as he tries to get back onto the railing.
“No!” I shout. Stronger, louder. I’ve hobbled halfway across the road, trying to keep off my sore ankle. “Cal! Look at me. You turn and look at me, goddammit!”
“You have a choice,” Cal snarls, “which is better than you ever tried to give mine. You may die now in this river and suffer the wrath of hell, or you may go into the black. Make your choice, human, before I make it for you.”
Traynor’s eyes are bulging from their sockets. I don’t know if he can even answer, given the stranglehold Cal has on him.
“Calliel!” I shout. “Look at me!”
“No answer?” Cal roars, shaking Traynor violently. “Then I will decide for you! You have been tried and found guilty of your sins. The punishment is the black. You are not worthy of the soul you carry, and within the darkness you will have it ripped from you and you will be nothing.”
Forgetting my ankle, I run the last few steps as Cal begins to twist, bringing Traynor up and over the railing again to send him into the black hole that is swiftly spinning, the blue lights surrounding it almost too bright to look at. I vault over the divider, standing between Traynor and the black just as Cal begins to thrust him toward it. Traynor smashes into me, knocking me backward, and I’m falling. I’m falling, and I can feel blackness against my skin. I can feel its caress. It tells me it’s okay, I can follow it into the dark and it will care for me. It will touch me. It will love me. I’ll float forever, just like I was on a river. Doesn’t that sound nice? Doesn’t that sound lovely? No more worries, the black croons. No more cares. No more—
wake up, benji
—wondering about what could have been or what would be. It will give me truth, it promises. I will have all I desire, all that I’ve ever asked for, here in the dark. I just have to say yes. I open my mouth and I think maybe I will say yes, because I’m tired, and it’s so much easier to—
wake up, son
—close my eyes because the blue is fading, it’s going away, it’s become nothing, and how can I be sure it was even really there to begin with? How do I know this isn’t all just some dream? Angels can’t be real. I don’t love him because he doesn’t exist. And even if he is real, he would never love one such as me. I’ve never known love because I’ve never—
it’s time for you to stand
—had family to care for me. Everything is black, all I have is black, all I know is black and black is despair and anguish and grief and I’ve let it bury me. I’ve let it bury me until it’s all I can feel, it’s all I can breathe. It’s—
time for you to stand and be true wake wake wake
—too much, it’s too late, it’s not going to matter. I’ve lost. I’m here in the dark and nothing else will matter because it’s—
Blue. There is so much blue.
And then the black is gone, and I take a deep gasping breath and my body hurts again. My face feels tacky with blood. I open my eyes. Traynor is on the ground, trying to crawl away. Cal stands before me, looking horrified, holding onto my arm with one strong hand. The blue lights are gone. His wings are gone. The black hole is gone.
“You almost went through,” he says hoarsely. “You almost went into the black.”
“You are not the executioner,” I tell him harshly, my skin prickling at the thoughts the black put in my mind. “Do you hear me?”
“But he—”
“I don’t give a fuck!” I shout at him. “You do not kill!”
“I must protect,” he whispers, looking down at his hand on my arm. “I am a guardian.”
“And you did that,” I say, trying to keep the memory of his black eyes at bay. Regardless of what he’s becoming, there was nothing human about them.
He gives me an uncertain smile and takes a step toward me.