body was wracked by the coughing, and she realized she hadn't recovered much at all from the birth. She remembered that entire episode only vaguely, as if it were a story of great adversity that had happened to someone else. That is, until she felt the pain again when the coughing cut through her. Then she understood it was she who had endured almost too much to bear.
When the coughing finally subsided, Grace said to Mai Lin, "I almost took my leave of this world after Rose was born, didn't I?"
Mai Lin nodded.
"I remember it now," Grace said. Her dreams and memories of the past weeks flitted past, and she searched them for what had actually happened. It was a haze, but one sensation persisted throughout. "I felt certain it was my time to leave."
Mai Lin stood over her with a worried expression. "Mistress was in great pain after the baby came, greater even than in birth labor. Something got caught inside. Your body needed to get rid of it and couldn't stop bleeding until you did. But, you are much better now. You will be well again soon."
Grace looked beyond her amah and out the window into the shadowed courtyard below. Chinese children stood in straight lines before their classroom doors as the ministers and ladies of the mission drifted about in their dark robes.
Grace let the baby bottle sag in her hand. "But truly, I was ready to leave this life," she repeated, more to herself than her amah. "I wanted to join my other children, the ones out there."
Mai Lin lifted Rose away from her mother and placed her on her shoulder. Grace did not object. The old woman patted the infant's back and said, "But you would have left this very real small one behind. That would not do. She needs you."
Grace did not answer but looked out the window again, this time beyond the courtyard to the flat plains streaked by the red fingers of sunset. She could tell she was making her maid uneasy with such talk, but it was true. She had wanted to go. Her time had come. But her daughter was here, and Mai Lin was right to say that Grace must now stay. For Rose's sake, she must hold on a little while longer. She lifted her frail arms, and Mai Lin placed Rose back into them. The baby leaned against her chest, and Grace felt a weight upon her heart. Mai Lin looked down at her with those same worried eyes, and Grace hated to pain her old amah so.
She attempted to lighten her voice as she asked, "Wherever did the Reverend find the precious milk for our girl?"
"He wouldn't say. But Mistress knows he is a most resourceful man, yes?" Mai Lin shifted her heavy skirts and sat on the edge of the bed. She appeared to almost be smiling. Clearly her amah was trying to rescue Grace from the dark cul-de-sac of feeling that she had wandered down.
Mai Lin continued, "He performs many miracles. Everyone knows this."
"Tell me, what do they say about him these days?" Grace asked.
"This morning," Mai Lin began, "Mrs. Martin's number-one boy told everyone the story of the two bullets. The latest version is that the Reverend caught the bullets in his giant hands."
"Oh, my!" Grace said. "What else?"
"Elephants tried to stampede a crowd, but the Reverend stopped them with a clap of thunder and a bolt of lightning that he threw down himself."
Grace giggled. "I believe it's true."
"Some even say he charmed the snakes to sleep for one hundred years. And others say he turned dead crops into most satisfying grains."
Grace lifted her sleepy daughter up before her and rubbed their noses softly together. "Your father is a great man, little one," she whispered. "Never forget it."
Mai Lin chuckled and said, "I don't believe anyone will ever forget the great Ghost Man who once lived here."
Grace glanced at her. "What do you mean they won't ever forget him, Mai Lin? He is still with us and well?"
"He is well," Mai Lin said as she stood abruptly and tucked in the covers at the foot of the bed.
"And he is with us? He no longer travels the way he once did?" Grace asked.
Mai Lin stopped fussing and stepped toward the window.
"Tell me," Grace cleared her throat, "where is my husband now?"
Mai Lin bowed her head. "He brought us the milk, and then he went away again."