admit I can be his property in front of others but not when it's just us. In order to survive, he needed to break me—piece by piece. He had to destroy me. But you can only glue old pieces together so many times. Eventually, nothing will stick.
He releases the collar from my neck while we're kissing. It may come off, but his name will forever be attached to me, etched on my heart, and visible for the world to see.
And my screwed-up new self wants it this way.
24
Malin
Ma belle stated things I didn't want to admit. I loathe myself for them. I know what is right and wrong. This isn't a gray area. Freedom is everything I stand for.
But I won't lie to her. She doesn't deserve a coward. And I'm not sure how to take her admission.
We need to get away from here. Once we are gone, she will see she is free, and what we need to do in front of the Global Leaders is not who we are together.
What if she doesn't?
What if I fall further and my demons win?
She stirs, snuggling into my body, and I kiss her head. She glances up. "Malin?"
I stroke her cheek. "Yes, ma belle."
"I don't want to stay in this room any longer. I can't be around the eyes anymore."
"We're leaving today."
"Where are we going?"
"I don't know. I need to speak with Gustave. But we aren't staying here."
Her eyes turn darker. "I want to shower. But I need you with me. The eyes..."
"What do you mean?"
"They are on the ceiling. I can't handle them anymore."
"Okay. Let's go. Look at me or keep your eyes closed."
"Thank you." She kisses me as if nothing between us has changed and I'm still worthy of her love.
I'm not. Everything I did the night prior makes me a man who shouldn't receive any of her affection. But I take every bit of it I can, trying to give her all the pieces of me she wants and needs.
We shower, and I shield her from the eyes. I dislike them as much as she does. They are the President's. I'm not sure if ma belle realizes it or not, but the moment I saw them, my gut flipped.
He still wants her. Until I destroy him, she will never be safe.
When we step out of the shower, I put a towel around her and then myself. I take her hand, lead her out of the suite and down the hall. We go into the room I stayed in, and I open the closet door.
She touches a few of the items. Her eyes sparkle. "Are these for me?"
I slide my hands over her cheeks and into her hair. "Yes. When we get where we're going, I'll take you shopping, and you can pick whatever you wish."
She scrunches her face and takes a deep breath. "I wouldn't know how to choose. I'm not used to such things."
"Do not stress, ma belle. If you prefer, I will have a shopper pick for you."
"And I need these types of clothes?"
My chest tightens. "My role will no longer be on the side it was. I will be next to Gustave. We will be at events."
She nods. "Please have a shopper select my outfits. If it isn't too much trouble?"
"Of course."
"Ummm..." She tilts her head.
"What is it?"
"These events...we will have more nights like last night?"
My stomach flips. Her eyes are full of nerves, but I also see hope in them. It worries me, but I'm not sure how to take it and wonder if I'm mistaking her emotions.
"Bernadette...she got dressed with me last night. She had lingerie and..." She releases another breath.
"And you want that?"
Her face reddens. "Yes. If you want me to wear it?"
"I want you to put on your body whatever you wish. Anything you wear, I will like."
"Ummm... I, ummm..."
"You are stressed right now. What is causing this?"
"I've not worn any lingerie before. Is there something you would prefer?"
I shake my head. "No. As I said, anything on your sexy little body will drive me crazy. Is that what you are trying to do? Make me so mad with lust I can't think straight?"
I expect her to smile from my teasing. But her face stays serious. "Yes. Whatever I wear, when I'm by your side, I want men to understand I'm yours, and everything I put on is to please you. And they will never have me because I am your property."
I groan inside, my dick twitches, and I hate myself