Rise An Eve Novel - By Anna Carey Page 0,10

at her; instead I listened to her slow, uneven breaths. It sounded like she was choking.

“You’ll have to come in to the office this afternoon,” the doctor continued. “Run some tests to make sure everything is normal. In the meantime I’ve had the kitchen stock up on some ginger tea, some crackers—little things to settle your stomach. You may feel a bit nauseous, but skipping meals will only make it worse. And as you probably already know, you may find it wears off over the course of the day.” He put out his hand for me to shake. I hoped he didn’t notice my cold palms or my stiff, unchanging smile. It wasn’t until he was gone, my father following behind him, that Clara finally spoke.

“I thought you didn’t love him,” she whispered, her words slow.

“I don’t,” I said.

I’d seen Clara angry before, could recognize how her face changed, her jaw set in a hard expression. But this was different. She turned her back to me, moving around the room, shaking out her hands as if trying to dry them. “It’s not true, Clara,” I said.

“Then what is true?” She stared at me, her eyes watery.

I hadn’t told anyone what had happened in the hangar with Caleb. It was the thing I returned to whenever my thoughts wandered. I remembered how his hands felt cradling my neck, his fingers dancing over my stomach, the gentle give of his lips against mine. How our bodies moved together, his skin tasting of salt and sweat. Now it existed in memory, a place that only I could visit, where Caleb and I were forever alone.

I’d heard the Teachers’ warnings, had reviewed all the dangers of having sex or “sleeping with” a man. They had told us, in those still classrooms, that even one time could bring on a pregnancy. But in the months since I’d left, I’d learned that nothing they’d said could be trusted. And even if it was a hidden truth—even if it wasn’t an exaggeration or falsification—it wouldn’t have mattered. There was no way to prevent pregnancy inside the City. The King had forbidden it.

Now, so many thoughts flew through my head: That it would be better if she didn’t know. That it would be safer if she didn’t know. That I would feel lonelier if she didn’t know, that I would be in more danger if she did know, that I would feel deceitful if she didn’t know. “Caleb,” I said finally. As soon as my father reached Charles it would be over anyway. “It was Caleb. I told you the truth—I have no interest in Charles. I never have.”

She let her hands fall. “How come you never told me?” she asked. “When?”

“The last night I left the Palace,” I said. “Two and a half months ago.”

She worried at the waist of her dress, picking at the delicate stitching. “Your father can never know,” she said.

I imagined my father’s expression when Charles told him the truth. His mouth would tense as it always did when he was angry. There’d be that hint of something darker, then he would set himself right, rubbing his hand down his face, as if that one motion had the power to fix his features. He would kill me. I felt certain of it then, in the stillness of the room. I was useless to him now. Since Caleb’s murder there were so many questions about me, about my involvement in the building of the tunnels. Did I still have connections to the dissidents? Had I betrayed him since Caleb’s death? I was allowed to live in the Palace, kept as an asset, only because I could produce a New American royal family. I was Genevieve, the daughter from the Schools who’d married his Head of Development. When Charles revealed the truth only we knew, my father would find a way. Maybe I’d disappear after the City had gone to sleep, as some of the dissidents had. They could say anything—an intruder in the Palace, a sudden sickness. Anything.

There wasn’t time to explain it all to Clara, to tell her the whys and hows. I knelt down and pulled the thick books from the shelf, tucking the tiny bag into the side pocket of my dress. I put the knife and the radio into my purse, then started out of the room. I needed to do what Moss had said, to go through with this, before I was discovered. I would leave the City today