“I think you were more nervous than anything. Got in your head a little too much about it?”
His cheeks slightly reddened, and it was so cute, she hoped the camera would pick up the color. “Yeah.”
“Everyone’s got nerves or awkwardness on their first date. That’s okay, you can usually recover from those things. Just don’t be a jerk. In fact, let’s start with talking about some general dating no-nos for people. Number one: don’t be an asshole.”
“This seems totally doable.” He patted his pockets. “Should I take notes?”
“Commit my words of wisdom to memory.” She held up a finger. “Okay, second rule, related, but more specific. No dick pics without invitation.” Their target audience was adults, they could be adult.
He choked on his soda. “Yes. I’m on your side, 100 percent.” He looked down his body. “It’s not even that pretty. No one wants that in their texts.”
She ran her tongue over her teeth. His penis was, actually, delightful, and she had firsthand knowledge of that, but she wasn’t about to say that on camera. There were limits. “The prettiness of a dick might be subjective.”
“Breasts. Breasts are universally pretty.” He shook his head, and she was certain his bewildered expression was genuine and not an act. “Penises are floppy and boring and messy looking. God give me the confidence of a man who thinks the sight of his dick will lure all the ladies to the yard.”
This time she allowed herself to laugh and leaned back against the railing, relaxing. She could almost forget the camera was there, which was odd for someone who almost always had their professional mask on when a camera was rolling.
She’d grown up in the age of YouTube. You never knew when you were being recorded, so when you knew you were being recorded, you acted right. “Let’s just say, there might be times when you want your partner to send you a picture of their private bits, because you find it arousing.”
He looked doubtful. “Okay . . .”
“But then it’s not unsolicited. A solicited dick pic is great. Go with God. Send your penises all over town.”
“Send your penis all over town if asked.” He tapped his temple. “Got it.”
“I guess all of this could be shelved under the general advice of don’t be a fuckboy,” she mused. “Unless you’re being upfront and honest about being a fuckboy, and that’s what your partner wants too.”
He squinted. “What’s a fuckboy?”
“What’s . . . a . . . fuckboy.” She tapped her lip. “You don’t know?”
“No. Is it someone who just wants sex?”
“Oh no. You can just want sex and still not be a fuckboy. You can want a relationship and be a fuckboy. Fuckboys are on Matchmaker, on Crush, on every platform.” Though they probably heavily congregate on Swype given the Chief Executive Asshole’s top-down culture of boys will be boys. “But you know, I don’t know if I’ve ever had to give a succinct explanation of what a fuckboy is, and I’m pretty sure the phrase has hugely evolved since it first came into general modern usage.”
Two women passing by cast them amused glances, clearly having heard their conversation. They were both in their early twenties, wore short skirts and tall boots, and were gorgeous enough to be models.
Rhiannon made an abrupt decision and waved at them. “Excuse me.” She gestured at the phone facing her and Samson. “We’re filming for a thing.”
The closest girl, blonde and poured into a red dress, looked unimpressed. “Who isn’t filming in this city?”
“I know, right? Listen, we’re trying to come up with some dating don’ts. Can you give us a description of the worst person you’ve dated or could imagine dating?”
“I’ll stay off camera,” her companion said. She was Black, had a smoothly shaved head, and wore a white leather mini and a crop top. “But that’s an easy one. Someone who sleeps with you once, doesn’t call you the next day, and then hits you up with a ‘got any pics?’ like, two months later.”
“If you do text them, they leave you on read for, like, days,” her friend chimed in.
“Oh yeah, he totally has his read receipts on, even though there’s no reason for such a thing in this decade.” The woman shook her head. “He also bails on plans with you, but gets pissed off if you have a genuine reason why you can’t see him at the spur of the moment.”