by the front door and I’m standing here, in nothing but my bra and panties, trying to comfort a man who is twice the size of me, stronger than any person I know and loves so fiercely and so deep, it shatters every inch of my soul.
A tear runs down my cheek and he kisses it away. “I’m sorry Damian. I don’t want to cause you any more pain.”
“You are my pain, Addison.” His finger runs along my lower lip. “A slow burn that never eases, always hovering around the edges of my heart.”
In that moment my heart cracks, and another tear slips down my cheek. He kisses it away and guides us under the water, the warm drops pelting our skin and heads. I reach behind him for the soap and begin to lather his back, silently crying as the shower spray wipes away any trace of tears. Slowly and meticulously, I run my fingers over his scalp and down his neck, trying to wash away the pain and sadness that has consumed both of us. He trembles as I make my way down his body, soaping him and kneading the muscles of his tense neck. Standing on my tiptoes to reach every inch of his head, his shoulders and his back. His arms circle me and his lips come down on mine again.
I’ve missed his lips, I love his lips, but I have no right to them anymore.
“I love you, Addison. So. Damn. Much.” His words are intense, filled with sadness and longing.
“Damian,” I say again.
“Shhh, Addison. Don’t say anything. Just be with me.”
My hands still on his shoulders and he wraps his arms tight around me, our slick bodies pressed firmly together. “Stay with me tonight. Please.”
I nod. No words can describe how I feel in this moment and nothing I can say will make this any better. Tonight is not about me, it’s about him and there is no room for tears here, only a girl, trying to heal a man she loves with her whole heart.
He slips my bra down my shoulders, and his mouth makes its way to my breast. Nipping at the peak as he holds me tighter, and lifts me to wrap my legs around his waist. We are both dripping wet and his mouth is making warm tracks along my chest, my heart beating frantically. My body turned on with desire and the need to make him feel anything but sorrow.
His lips return to my neck sliding along the curves of my shoulder, eventually making their way to my ear. I wrap my arms around him as he carries me into his bedroom and lays me on the bed.
Pulling my soaked bra all the way down my arms, over my stomach and across my hips, he hooks his fingers inside my panties and removes both items in unison. The ache between my legs is unbearable and I’m already soaked in want and need.
His breathing deepens and he closes his eyes tight the sight of me clearly paining him more. “I had no idea it would hurt this bad.”
Sitting on my knees, I place both hands on his chest. “Lie with me, tell me what happened.”
Shaking his head, he wraps me into an embrace and soaking wet, slides us under the cool sheets. “I need to feel something other than pain, Addison. I can’t talk about this right now.”
In complete understanding, I slide my body on top of his and guide him inside of me. We both still as our bodies recognize what they’d been missing. Mine, needing the love of a man who fills all of my cracks, and him needing to feel anything but hurt.
He lifts his torso and wraps his arms around me, his hand sliding up my back and holding onto the nape of my neck. We stare at each other, unblinking, broken, vulnerable, both understanding what the other needs without having to say a word.
I blink once and he crushes his lips to mine, stealing my breath and slipping his tongue between my lips. I give him all I have, fulfilling my promise to breathe for him this one last time. Our joined bodies sit still as our mouths devour each other and suddenly I’m on my back, my feet pushing the pillows towards the headboard as Damian begins to move.
Slow at first then desperate and achingly sad, using his body to get rid of the sorrow and the pain. I take it in, all of it.