Did I do something wrong? I don’t know why you won’t write back, but I promise I’m being good. I just miss you so much, Drake.
Please write back,
Chicken
“Jesus,” Drake’s choked voice cuts Megan off for a minute. I want to open my eyes and see him, but my body still refuses to do anything but hold me hostage.
“You want me to stop?” she whispers, sounding choked up herself.
“No, she wrote them, she lived them. The least I can do is hear her now. She deserves that.” I feel my heart crack at that. I want to keep it protected behind the walls I built, but hearing his pain is hurting me more than I thought it would.
Megan starts reading again, and I have no choice but to lie there in the dark and listen as she strips me bare.
Dear Drake,
Mama is crying again. Her boyfriend won’t leave his wife, and now they are having a baby. She says we’ll never get out of here now. I’m not really sure what she means, but it makes her angry. I won’t miss him; he smelled kinda weird.
I miss you Drake, please come home. Maybe then Mama won’t cry so much.
Chicken
Dear Drake,
It’s my birthday today. You forgot again, just like last year. I used my birthday wishes and wished for you to come home, but wishes don’t come true, do they Drake? Mama is in love again. She says this one is different (she says that every time) she thinks he will get us out of the trailer park and into some big fancy house on the hill. I don’t need fancy houses, Drake; I just need you. I’ve only met Clyde twice. Don’t tell Mama, but I don’t like him much. He looks at me strangely and makes my tummy feel twisty and not like the time you took me on the rollercoaster at the fair.
Please come back, I need you.
Chicken
Dear Drake,
You promised me you would always be here for me, that if the sky ever fell, you would protect me. Well, my sky is falling Drake, so where the hell are you? Mom is sick, real sick Drake. We need you; I need you. Clyde is moving us in with him, but I don’t want to go. He freaks me out. Sometimes, I wake up in the night and see him standing in the shadows watching me. He says he’s just protecting me, but I don’t feel very safe anymore.
Please, please, please, come back.
Chicken.
I can hear crying, but I don’t know who it belongs to, I’m too caught up in the words I wrote.
Drake,
Nobody knows what’s wrong with Mama, but she gets sicker every day, especially if Clyde visits. I think she’s allergic to his toxic personality, but I don’t tell her that. There’s no point, she won’t listen. She never does. We move tomorrow, up to a fancy house on the hill, just like she always wanted. She thinks Clyde is her hero, and maybe he is to her, but I see him for who he really is. He’s the villain of the story. He might wear fancy suits and drive a nice car, but I know he’s a bad man Drake. His touches might be soft in the dark of night, but I can feel the violence and excitement in his trembling hands. I hate him Drake, I hate him so much. Mama said this has to be my last letter to you. A new house means a fresh start, but she only sees what she wants to. She thinks you’re dead, but I know you’re not. I’d feel it if you were gone. Sometimes I wish you were because then I would know that you didn’t come save me because you couldn’t, not because you didn’t care about me anymore. I don’t know what I did to make you stop loving me; I tried to do everything you asked of me. I guess I just wasn’t enough.
Bye Drake.
Chicken.
“Oh God,” Grim chokes out when Megan reads the final letter I sent. I can hear them both openly crying, and I can feel my tears running over my cheeks.
Hearing those words read back to me hurts like someone has picked a scab and made the healing wound beneath it start to bleed again. But I’m not that girl anymore. I’m Gemini, God fucking dammit.
I fight, giving it everything I have, and feel my eyelids flutter. The slight movement gives