"And she hasn't been able to charm the stake yet anyway, so until she does, all the kung-fu skills in the world won't matter."
"Guardians don't do kung-fu. And how did you know about the stake?"
"She's asked for my help a couple of times," he explained.
"Huh. I didn't know that."
"Well, you've been kind of busy. Not that you've even spared a thought for your poor pining boyfriend."
With all my chores, I hadn't spent a huge amount of time in Lissa's head--just enough to check in with her. "Hey, I would have taken you over filing any day." I'd been so afraid that Adrian would be furious with me after Vegas, yet here he was, light and playful. A little too light. I wanted him to focus on the problem at hand. "What's your take on Lissa and the charms? Is she close to doing it?"
Adrian absentmindedly played with the cigarettes, and I was tempted to tell him to go ahead and have one. This was his dream, after all. "Unclear. I haven't taken to charms the way she has. It's weird having the other elements in there... makes it hard to manipulate spirit."
"Are you helping her anyway?" I asked suspiciously.
He shook his head in amusement. "What do you think?"
I hesitated. "I... I don't know. You help her with most spirit things, but helping her with this would mean..."
"... Helping Dimitri?"
I nodded, not trusting myself to elaborate.
"No," Adrian said at last. "I'm not helping her, simply because I don't know how."
I exhaled with relief. "I really am sorry," I told him. "For everything... for lying about where I was and what I was doing. It was wrong. And I don't understand... well, I don't get why you're being so nice to me."
"Should I be mean?" He winked. "Is that the kind of thing you're into?"
"No! Of course not. But, I mean, you were so mad when you came to Vegas and found out what was going on. I just thought... I don't know. I thought you hated me."
The amusement faded from his features. He came over to me and rested his hands on my shoulders, his dark green eyes dead serious. "Rose, nothing in this world could make me hate you."
"Not even trying to bring my ex-boyfriend back from the dead?"
Adrian held onto me, and even in a dream, I could smell his skin and cologne. "Yeah, I'll be honest. If Belikov were walking around right now, alive like he used to be? There would be some problems. I don't want to think what would happen with us if... well, it's not worth wasting time on. He's not here."
"I still... I still want us to work," I said meekly. "I would still try, even if he were back. I just have a hard time letting someone I care about go."
"I know. You did what you did out of love. I can't be mad at you over that. It was stupid, but that's how love is. Do you have any idea what I'd do for you? To keep you safe?"
"Adrian..."
I couldn't meet his eyes. I suddenly felt unworthy. He was so easy to underestimate. The only thing I could do was lean my head against his chest and let him wrap his arms around me.
"I'm sorry."
"Be sorry you lied," he said, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "Don't be sorry you loved him. That's part of you, part you have to let go, yeah, but still something that's made you who you are."
Part you have to let go...
Adrian was right, and that was a damned scary thing to admit. I'd had my shot. I'd made my gamble to save Dimitri, and it had failed. Lissa wouldn't get anywhere with the stake, meaning I really did have to treat Dimitri the way everyone else did: He was dead. I had to move on.
"Damn it," I muttered.
"What?" asked Adrian.
"I hate it when you're the sane one. That's my job."