His confused expression now turned into a frown. Stepping forward, he took my mug and set his and mine on the shelf. His hands rested on my hips, and I flinched but didn't break away-how could I when he looked so much like my Dimitri? "This is our house," he said, drawing me near. "In Pennsylvania."
"Pennsylvania... are we at the
Royal Court
?"
He shrugged. "A few miles away."
I slowly shook my head. "No... that's not possible. We can't have a home together. And definitely not so close to the others. They'd never let us."
If in some crazy world Dimitri and I lived together, we'd have to do it in secret-somewhere remote, like Siberia.
"You insisted," he said with a small smile. "And none of them care. They accept it. Besides, you said we had to live near Lissa."
My mind reeled. What was going on? How was this possible? How could I be living with Dimitri-especially so near Moroi? This wasn't right... and yet, it felt right. Looking around, I could see how this was my home. I could feel the love in it, feel the connection Dimitri and I had to it. But... how could I actually be with Dimitri? Wasn't I supposed to be doing something else? Wasn't I supposed to be somewhere else? "You're a Strigoi," I said at last. "No... you're dead. I killed you."
He ran a finger along my cheek, still giving me that rueful smile. "Do I look like I'm dead? Do I look Strigoi?"
No. He looked wonderful and sexy and strong. He was all the things I remembered, all the things I loved. "But you were..." I trailed off, still confused. This wasn't right. There was something I had to do, but I still couldn't remember. "What happened?"
His hand returned to my hip, and he pulled me into a tight embrace. "You saved me," he murmured into my ear. "Your love saved me, Roza. You brought me back so that we could be together."
Had I? I had no memory of that, either. But this all seemed so real, and it felt so wonderful. I'd missed his arms around me. He'd held me as a Strigoi, but it had never felt like this. And when he leaned down and kissed me, I knew for sure he wasn't a Strigoi. I didn't know how I could have ever deluded myself back at Galina's. This kiss was alive. It burned within my soul, and as my lips pressed more eagerly into his, I felt that connection, the one that told me there was no one else in the world for me except him.
Only, I couldn't shake the feeling that I wasn't supposed to be here. But where was I supposed to be? Lissa... something with Lissa...
I broke the kiss but not the embrace. My head rested against his chest. "I really saved you?"
"Your love was too strong. Our love was too strong. Not even the undead could keep us apart."
I wanted to believe it. Desperately. But that voice still nagged in my head... Lissa. What about Lissa? Then, it came to me. Lissa and Avery. I had to save Lissa from Avery. I jerked away from Dimitri, and he stared in surprise.
"What are you doing?"
"This isn't real," I said. "This is a trick. You're still Strigoi. We can't be together-not here, not among the Moroi."
"Of course we can." There was hurt in his deep brown eyes, and it tore at my heart. "Don't you want to be with me?"
"I have to go back to Lissa..."
"Let her go," he said, approaching me again. "Let all of it go. Stay here with me-we can have everything we ever wanted, Rose. We can be together every day, wake up together every morning."
"No." I stepped further back. I knew if I didn't, he would kiss me again, and then I'd truly be lost. Lissa needed me. Lissa was trapped. With each passing second, the details about Avery were coming back to me. This was all an illusion.
"Rose?" he asked. There was so much pain in his voice. "What are you doing?"
"I'm sorry," I said, feeling on the verge of tears. Lissa. I had to get to Lissa. "This isn't real. You're gone. You and I can never be together, but I can still help her."
"You love her more than me?"
Lissa had asked me almost the same thing when I'd left to hunt Dimitri. My life was doomed to always be about choosing between them.
"I love you both," I replied.
And with that, I used all of my will to push myself back to Lissa, wherever she was, and tear away from this fantasy. Honestly, I could have spent the rest of my days in that make-believe world, being with Dimitri in that house, waking up with him each morning like he'd said. But it wasn't real.
It was too easy, and if I was learning anything, it was that life wasn't easy.