Rich Prick – Tijan Page 0,109

was in. I wasn’t aware of the room around me. I had no concept of time or day or anything. I just saw my mom after one of the last times he’d ripped into her.

“She was crying so hard. The words he said to her, no one should ever hear those words. But he said them. And she took it, and I realized she’d been taking it for years. Fucking years. And she was still standing too. So I don’t know. I honestly don’t. I have enough bad shit inside of me. I don’t want to let myself think further about the ‘why’ of her putting me in that situation. If she knew what we’d end up in, I don’t think she would’ve done it. That’s obvious. She would’ve told Stephen she was pregnant, but she didn’t. She told him, and he loved her, or that’s what he said, and I have to think it hurt her something fierce to go with him, to decide to keep quiet about everything. We’ve never talked about it, but I know it eats at her. And I know she’ll tell me. She’ll have to, and I know she’s sorry, and I know she’ll apologize for lying to everyone, but… I don’t know. I’m still healing. She’s still healing, and we’re not there yet. We will be one day. I have to believe that. But I’m tired. Of all of it. I’m tired of being a dick. I’m tired of lashing out at people. I’m tired of hurting people, but I also know I’m still me. I’m still an asshole. I know I will say shit to hurt people, and I hate that now. I don’t know. Who am I to judge her, you know? Who am I?”

Naomi leaned forward. “Her son.”

“She said she’s in counseling.”

She nodded, leaning back. “She is. I asked you earlier if I could reach out to her therapist. You both signed waivers so we could talk, and your mother has made progress as well. Great progress. I’m aware that your biological father was in counseling too, as was your half-sister.”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“It’s an intense situation.”

I laughed, the sound hollow.

“I heard everything you said, but I don’t understand why you won’t ask your mother. I want to push you to do it, but I’m trying to respect you and meet you where you are, so help me. Help me understand.”

It was goddamn simple.

“Because if I do, I open that door to all the other demons in there, and I’m not ready. I’m not ready to hate my mom, and I know that’s what will happen. If I hate her, he wins. That piece of shit won’t ever win and get between my mom and me. I won’t let him. I won’t lose her.”

She drew in a breath, as if seeing me in a different light. She nodded. “Okay. I got it now.” Another slow bob of her head. “So when you’re ready, you’ll ask her. And Blaise, you won’t lose her. Ever.”

My throat swelled up. It was an irrational thought. I could recognize that, insight was a bitch, but it was there. I’d treated my mom like crap the last few months, but that would’ve been different.

I slumped further into my chair. “Or when she’s ready, she’ll tell me.”

“And until then—”

“He can’t win,” I told her again. “He doesn’t win.”

“Got it.”

“Good.”

Because that made one of us.

I didn’t get it. I didn’t know if I’d ever get it.

51

Aspen

I was excited, but sad and also nervous, all at the same time.

It was move-in weekend. That meant I’d found my dorm, and my room. I’d met my roommate and my floormates. I’d met my resident advisor. And even though I already knew the campus and had done a tour last fall, I got my schedule and walked through all the buildings. My parents were with me. Nate came too. But shortly after we arrived, he disappeared. He said he knew a few people who had remained local, so off he went.

He’d wanted to show me the house he used to live in when he went to Cain, but I already knew about it. It was now rented to Blaise’s brother, Bren, and their group of friends. They’d had a shindig there last night, and I knew Blaise had gone with Zeke, who—according to social media—had found out two days ago that he was attending Cain after all.

I wasn’t sure what had happened there, because I’d thought he was going here all along, but