The Revenge Artist - Philip Siegel Page 0,26

though,” I say.

“But do you want to stay friends with someone who makes you choose?”

“No, but it’s not like good friends grow on trees.”

Diane comes out in a gorgeous dress. Classy, yet accentuates her best assets. As if Desmond wasn’t crazy enough about her, this will put him over the top. She doesn’t even ask my opinion. She knows she’s rocking it.

“You’re going away to college next year where you will make new friends. If Val is going to be petty, then maybe you should leave her behind, you know?”

The words smack me in the face. Diane makes it sound so easy, and the scary thing is, maybe she’s right. But even if we’re a few states apart, and even if that gives me the perfect new beginning, I just can’t imagine my life without Val. No crazy calls. No overanalyzing the mundane. It’s like I would cease to be myself.

“We’ll be fine. Who knows? Maybe this is in my head.”

“It’s possible. You’ve always been kind of a head case, B. Listen, if Val is a true friend, then she will be happy for you. End of story.”

I nod, hoping it’s true. Val is a true friend. She gave up a boyfriend for me. I wonder if she feels like I should do the same.

“You look amazing,” I tell her.

“I agree.” Diane spins around, letting her skirt fan out. I’ve never seen her so giddy. I figure if Fred and I should break up, the Internet can always help me find my perfect match.

***

Once Diane leaves, I decide to do some work to take my mind off of life. Relationship Engineering work. Schoolwork can be done later. I write “Leo and Dominick” at the top of a fresh page in my notebook.

Preparation: What do I know about Dominick Salsano? So far, all I know is that he’s hot, gay, and athletic. I’ll need more to give Leo the edge.

I use Google as a starting point. Articles pop up about his soccer games. The guy knows how to score. In the accompanying picture, he stands on the field with a tired-yet-intense look, hands on his hips. His black hair in sweaty waves and jawline set. The hot ones are always gay. Yes, technically speaking, he is out of Leo’s league, if we’re thinking in generic hot-or-not terms. But I believe those can be easily transcended. Most people just need to hit an appearance threshold, which Leo does. Now it’s up to me to get Dominick to see the whole package.

I search his Facebook profile for intel. What does he like, what does he do for fun, what makes him Dominick and not just some guy? In pictures from an epic Chris Gomberg party, he’s holding a martini. He’s the only person not chugging from a red Solo cup. The glass makes him look somewhat classier than the others, but not with that duckface expression. Elsewhere on his page, he wrote about how James Bond is a wimp for getting a martini shaken. “Shaking a martini makes the ice melt and waters it down. A true man will take his martini stirred.”

Who knew Dominick Salsano was that into martinis?

Noted.

Anticipation: What’s the best method of attack for engineering this relationship? Dominick isn’t the meek boy in the corner waiting to be asked out. Judging from the pictures and anecdotal evidence I’ve culled, he skews more alpha male, which is trickier. He’ll be the one to call yay or nay on this relationship. Thus, I have to make him decide to ask out Leo, which means Leo has to possess a desirable quality that no other potential boyfriend has. He needs an in badly.

I search through Dominick’s profile, scrolling past months of his life. I feel like I know him at this point. He’s not hard to get. He likes all the same movies and sports as most guys at my school. He goes to the same parties and takes the same “I’m a white, upper middle class baller” pictures. Of course, these are all superficial parts of him, but still, Dominick seems so generic. He is hot, though, and I totally understand why that counts for a lot in Leo’s book.

Pictures from Steve’s going-away party pop up on screen. Ugly memories. Dominick is a gentleman and didn’t post any photo documentation of that fight between Huxley and the girl Steve was caught with in bed. Why did Steve have to screw things up? Maybe Huxley decided to do a boyfriend 180 because Steve