Or, it isn’t until I hear her soft voice chime in, “I never gave that much thought, Jennings. I’m sorry.” And when I do look at her, her face is contrite.
And standing on a sidewalk, with my hand on our son’s shoulder, the final barrier between the memories of me and Kara gives way. Oh, God. The last time she said that to me was the night I called her to break up with her. “You’re right, Jennings. I never gave that much thought. I’m sorry you want it to end because I feel so much for you. Just know you’ll always have a special place in my heart.”
Right before she hung up.
My fingers tighten around Kevin’s shoulder.
“Jennings, it’s okay. Really,” Kevin reassures me. “I get it. None of us were prepared for this, were we?” His laugh is hollow.
“No, but I’ll be back. I promise.” My voice is hoarse. “Just a couple of days.” Then I flinch when I recall how many times I said that too. My mind conjures up memories of saying that to Kara with her long hair draped over my arm as we lay on the grass in the Smiths’ backyard. She’d nod and say…
“I know, Jennings. Don’t worry. Just…travel safe.” Suddenly, she takes a tiny step back as if she too was thrown back into a time vortex sixteen years ago. Because she said that.
Every fucking time I had to leave.
“I’ll call you when I land,” I tell them both.
Kevin tilts his head. “I’m assuming you didn’t fly commercial.”
I bark out a laugh. “No. I flew up one of my planes.”
“How long…” Kara starts, and then she stops herself from asking as if she doesn’t have a right to know when other than the boy who’s my mirror image, she probably has the right to know more about me than any other person in the world. Lifting her face to the misting rain that started while we were having breakfast, Kara prompts Kevin, “Is there something you’d like to ask your father?”
“Oh, yeah! Mom said it was all right to ask if you wanted to come to dinner tomorrow.”
I want to say yes with everything that’s in me, but I know if I don’t leave to go back to Seattle now, today, I won’t go. “Can I take a rain check on it? If I leave today, I can be back in time for dinner, say Tuesday?”
Even as Kevin’s nodding, my heart’s pounding while I wait for Kara to respond. I’m trying to not let anyone down. I’m trying to not screw up this opportunity. I’m trying to behave responsibly, but part of that is taking care of the people who work for me.
Kara nods. “That’s fine. Let me know if there’s something special you want otherwise we tend to feed in bulk to accommodate the hollow leg in the house.”
Kevin puffs out his chest. “I proudly resemble that remark.”
“So does our food bill, darling, but that’s okay.” They both laugh when Kara pats him on his flat stomach. But my heart clenches not only at the byplay, but with worry. Kara and I need to have a conversation right after I have one with my attorneys.
“So, Tuesday?” I bring them back around to the original topic at hand.
“That sounds good, Jennings.” Kevin holds out his hand. I take it and shake it firmly. “Thank you for joining us today.” God, his manners are beyond reproach. Now, I wish I’d pushed harder to meet Jed’s husband while he was alive so I could say thank you for being the parent I should have been. But it’s too late. And it’s way too soon for me to grab my son and hug him.
Instead I turn to Kara and pray all of the emotion in two simple words conveys when I say, “Thank you.”
Her “Of course. It’s what Kevin wanted” tells me so much about the kind of mother she is. “We’ll see you Tuesday.” Turning, the two of them make their way down the street to the public parking garage.
While I wait until they become specks, I call Lou, telling her I’ll be in the office tomorrow. I contact the airfield to fuel up the Cessna. And I call my attorneys to arrange for a late-evening meeting. “No, I don’t give a damn how much it costs. These changes are urgent. I have to have them signed before I fly out Monday,” I snarl, before I press End on