“I’d like to think I’d do the right thing,” Kevin persists.
“You’d sell him out for the last chicken strip,” I mutter.
“Only if it’s Zaxby’s, Mom,” Kevin’s quick to assure me. “But deep down…”
“We all like to think we’d do something one way until we’re in a situation,” I inform him quietly. “And looking back, maybe we’d like to do things differently. But there’s too many people to change one thing to come up with a different answer: Jennings, Jed, Maris, me. For me to make this different for you, I’d have to go back in time.” I stare out over the water.
“Do you think he would have wanted me?”
Letting out a sigh, I admit, “Uncle Dean thought so.”
“I wish he was still here.”
“We all do, honey.”
“What else can you tell me about this Jennings?” There’s a faint resentment when he speaks Jennings’s name. I don’t press for now.
“I honestly don’t know a lot about him now. I know he didn’t have a great childhood. I’m frankly shocked he let in the Jacks enough to maintain the friendship he has over the years.”
“The Jacks?” Kevin asks, confused.
“It’s what Maris and I called your Uncle Jed, Jennings, and their friends Kody, Nick, and Brad. They’re closer than most brothers are. So, when Uncle Jed met you, it put him in a very difficult position.”
Kevin pulls away to face the glacier. “I’m sorry for that.”
“He never was,” I say confidently. Kevin whips around. “Time and again, he said he knew his brother well enough to bet on Jennings loving you; it was my fears over him losing that part of his family the way Dean and I lost our family that held me back. If it went wrong, I knew a part of his heart would hurt without them.”
“So, what made Uncle Jed change his mind?” Kevin chews on his lower lip.
“Remember when Uncle Dean and Uncle Jed came back to Alaska?” He nods, and I continue. “They came to rewrite Uncle Jed’s will and to see Maris.” Kevin’s body jerks next to me. “I know. It was something I never thought we would need. There were four circumstances under which we’d be having this exact conversation. I have to be honest, sweetheart, the one I expected was you’d simply ask me about him.” As an aside, I whisper, “God, do I wish it was that one.”
Kevin pushes to his feet and holds out a hand. I reach up and grab it. He wraps his arms around me, and the warmth of the sun beams down on both of us. As completely unrealistic as it is, I want to believe it’s Dean and Jed telling me it’s going to be all right—that we’ll be all right.
After a few minutes, I feel Kevin’s stomach rumble against me. “Hungry?” I reach up to cup his face.
“I don’t suppose we could continue this over food?” he asks hopefully.
“Fortunately, there’s a diner not that far away,” I tell him. “How about you and I get something to eat?”
He nods, and I let out a breath. If Kevin had turned down food, then I’d be worried. “I can’t promise I’ll have all the answers,” I warn him as we make our way back.
“That’s okay, Mom. You always were willing to listen to my questions. That’s the most important thing.”
And as we hike back, I have to surreptitiously wipe my fingers under my eyes. I have survived too much as of late to not appreciate the fact that my son held on to me with all of his might instead of pushing me away.
Like my own parents did.
Kara
I wait until after eleven to dial the number left in the papers Jed’s left me which were brought to the house after the will reading.
One ring. Two.
His dark voice answers, “Hello?”
I’m caught off guard, and my voice comes out shaky. “Jennings?”
“Yes?”
“It’s Kara Malone. I hope I’m not disturbing you?”
It’s Jennings’s turn to stutter. “No, I was just… Not at all. I’m just surprised to hear from you. I didn’t expect to so soon.” Silence descends between us.
Maris is outside with Kevin keeping him occupied. She’s pointing at a burned-out tree, likely telling the story of how I got hammered and thought it was a bear. He’s amused while she’s running behind it showing him how she jumped out and scared the piss out of me. Literally. I still have to figure out how to get back at her for that. Unfortunately for her, I have all summer