“I did better than a dream; I grabbed hold of my reality the moment I heard Kevin’s heart beat for the first time,” I whisper fiercely. Staring into the depth of the full-bodied red, I murmur, “In the end, I got to see my brother fall in love. Knowing he had that at the end helps somehow.”
Her hand reaches over and grips my free one. “Knowing Jed had those last few years with Dean, Kevin, you…”
“Maybe it was better they were together when…”
“Yeah, but it doesn’t stop us from missing them.”
“Only every second I allow myself to think of it. What about you?”
Maris shakes her head. “Same. Which is why I don’t allow myself the luxury of thinking. Are you ready for tomorrow?”
“Were we ready the first time?” I ask meaningfully.
“No. But this time, we won’t have a fucking media circus outside the door,” she counters.
“Some parts of it were beautiful,” I whisper. “All of the bar employees, the honor guard from Dean’s coworkers, my former students coming to the memorial.”
“I was floored by how many showed up,” Maris remarks before taking a drink.
“I think every person the three of us ever knew showed up.” I dash tears from my eyes as I recall the line of people who stood in line to pay their respects.
“And Kevin?”
My heart cracks wide open as do the floodgates that I’m sure will open during the service for Jed tomorrow. “I’m glad we arranged something separate for his friends to come pay their respects. I was not about to put those children through…”
“God, I hate this,” Maris spits out. “I’m grateful you’re going to be here for months, that I get this time with you, but I hate why. Their lives were over way too soon.”
“You’re not telling me something I don’t say to myself a million times a day since it happened. But Maris?” Her eyes connect with mine. “After having a front-row seat to a love that beautiful, I’ll never settle for less than what they had.”
Still clinging onto my hand, she lifts her glass. “To finding a love that extraordinary.”
And in the still-freezing air, in a part of the world so beautiful it makes the vow sacred, I touch my glass to hers. “To love.”
Jennings
My guts are tied in knots as we pull up to the funeral home. “A thousand dollars if you turn us toward the airport,” I only half joke.
Brad parks before reprimanding me. “None of us want to be here, Jennings.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to say goodbye to him. It’s just…” I take a deep breath before admitting, “It’s the end of us. The end of the us that we were.”
From the distance, I see a couple of women and a tall boy pull open the glass outer doors. I squint, because the boy reminds me of someone, but I quickly dismiss it before trying again to explain. “Jed was our glue. Next to him, the only thing that keeps me close to being sane is the air. And I have to face the loss of one without the other? You’re asking the impossible.”
Understanding crosses Brad’s face, wiping away the disapproval. But it’s Nick who says, “He’s always going to hold us together. He’s always going to be our glue. No matter what, we’ll never leave him behind because to do so is to forget everything about the crazy bastard we loved.”
Kody’s voice is rough when he says, “The ache we’re feeling is a measure of the love we have for him, for each other. We need to remember that.”
Brad gives a bark of a laugh. “Did you guys get what I left in your rooms?”
Nick reaches over and whacks him upside the head. “You’re such a dick. If anyone ever caught me in Canadian boxers, can you imagine what that would do for my image? My publicist would kill me.”
“So don’t make a spectacle of yourself by dropping trou at the wake?” I suggest. I reach down and slide my dress slacks down a bit to show off my red-and-white waistband.
Kody groans before he pulls his pants down to show the stars on his.
Brad does the same before he says to all of us, but his words pierce my heart. “We’ll never forget Jed because he was the best parts of each of us. So, let’s go honor him by meeting his family.”
“Then let’s get shitfaced,” I mutter, shoving open the door.
If I could have looked at anyone’s picture a week ago