we being stared at?” Kevin slides an arm protectively around my shoulder after he returns from the restroom. Every parent wonders at some point what kind of person their child is going to be. Not me—mine is going to be a protector. Even at fifteen, I can tell that, as he tucks me tighter against his side to guard me from everyone in the room.
Including his father.
Not that he knows John Jennings is his biological father, and if there’s a god watching down on me as the three of us endure the second service to pay tribute to Jed, and in our hearts Dean as well, he’ll pay his respects and never be the wiser.
But there’s not a chance in hell I’ll be that lucky, and I damn well know it. Soon, everything is going to be exposed—the past I’ve tried to move on from as much as possible. Resentment slithers through me, burning away the pain, when I see the picture of Jed’s smiling face. I know I agreed to it, Jed, but why do I have to do this now? I think harshly. Why did I let you talk me into this?
But none of that shows on my face when I reply to my son. “These people are all friends of Jed’s, sweetheart.” I reach up to grab Kevin’s hand, squeezing it reassuringly. “They’re probably trying to figure out who we are.”
Maris sniffs into her handkerchief. I reach over and pull her closer. She lays her head on my shoulder, her perfectly tamed, glossy hair, in such a contrast to Jed’s wild mane, cascading over the stark black of my funeral attire. We stand there, two women who loved two brothers who still had so much to give the world with so little time, when Kevin’s arm tenses around me. Maris’s head lifts. “Shit. Jacks up,” she says, using the poker vernacular we adapted years ago to refer to when Jennings, Kody, Brad, Nick, or Jed would be about to intrude on our private conversations—more often than not about them.
The old shorthand hurls me back to the day I met all of them sixteen years ago, all ego, all gorgeous, up for a visit where they worked for the Lumberjack Show in Ketchikan. I felt lost among the overwhelming emotions in what was obviously an established family—that was, until Jennings set his sights on me. And I fell for it. And him.
“Would it be completely inappropriate to start a brawl at Jed’s wake?” I mutter as Brad makes an approach with a pale face.
Maris shrugs. “If you can live with that for the summer, then I can.”
Turning, I ignore Brad, who’s almost on top of us. “Whose idea was that, again?”
“Your brother-in-law’s,” Maris says firmly. I’m about to remind her Jed was her brother first, but she holds out her hand saying, “Brad, thank you for coming.”
I move slightly ahead of Kevin, who squawks in protest. Let him be pissed. No one gets to approach my son except through me.
Meanwhile, Brad uses Maris’s extended hand to yank her close. I hear him murmur, “Mar, how…it was out of nowhere.”
A rush of the bonds of the brotherhood Jed would talk about flow through me. It pains me to know they’re hurting in much the same way I am. We’re all on this same path together, but I still have to guard my reactions carefully because I learned there were only a handful of people I could trust my heart to. And the only ones left are Maris and Kevin.
And it’s my duty to allow them to grieve.
Since the night the police showed up at our home to let us know about the crash, I’ve been numb inside. I’ve forced myself to be for Kevin, for Maris, to give them the time to heal. Frankly, it’s amazing I’ve got this far without a complete breakdown. I can’t imagine what’s going to happen after the service tomorrow when… No, I tell myself firmly. It was all Jed asked for, pleaded for.
I can practically hear his voice in my ear whispering, “Give Jennings a chance.”
And I’ll honor his final wishes. Just like I’ll honor the fact that some of the ashes in the urns are Dean’s. After all, Jed was a beloved part of my life. Our lives, I amend silently. If Dean was the only dad figure Kevin’s ever known, then Jed stepped into his role as favorite uncle without a hitch.