her back, I remind her, “Jed kept trying to get me to come to Florida.”
Instead of being upset, she laughs, her hair flying in all directions as she rolls it back and forth. “You should see him. He does that kind of stuff all the time. My God, the way he plays matchmaker with his…” Her lips tremble before a keening sound escapes.
And there it is. Now, I understand fully. Kara’s been responsible for taking care of everyone else around her she hasn’t been able to truly let go of her own emotions. Despite admitting she was writing letters to her dead brother, after admitting she sent Kevin to a therapist, even when she cried in my arms the morning after we first made love after telling me how the two men died, she still didn’t let go.
I wrap her tight as she bucks beneath me as she sobs. I don’t know for how long or what causes the torrent of tears, but the sound tears at my soul. Each one seems to represent an hour, a minute of pain. But since when? Since her brother’s death? Since she left Alaska? It doesn’t matter, really. Just knowing how much she trusts me to help carry her burden causes my own eyes to burn.
“Why haven’t you let go before now?” I ask after her sobs have been reduced to sniffles.
“How could I?” Her voice is hoarse. “I had to take care of Kevin. Maris is overworking—”
“Maris is an adult,” I interrupt.
“Maris is lost in more ways than you can imagine,” she corrects me. I frown when I hear that. “And my job is to…”
“Protect your family.” I interject.
“At whatever the cost,” she agrees.
“Nothing is going to harm you, least of all me. That’s a promise.” My lips brush hers, pride and something much stronger swirling deep inside of me. But even as our lips sip and take from each other, I can’t completely lose myself in this kiss. Because I’m worried. Promises mean nothing when they’re only words. A woman like Kara needs tangible proof in order to believe, and that’s not just because of the past; that’s just who she is.
Sitting us up, I bury my neck in her throat, rocking us back and forth. “It’s a good thing we have more of the summer for me to show you I mean to support those words with actions.”
“Hmm.” The sound buzzes against my neck, sending tingles down my spine. “What kind of actions did you have in mind?”
“You’re shameless,” I declare, pulling back to see a teasing light having chased away the shadows in her eyes.
“Me?” She touches her chest in mock surprise.
“Yes, you.”
“This is a first.” She’s thoughtful. “I kind of like it.”
I pluck another kiss from her lips before I tell her, “I do too.”
She smiles shyly before wrapping her arms around me tightly but not before I see the sparkle back in her eyes. I feel like racing around the backyard cheering. I did that, I think with pride. I removed a layer of the burden she’s been carrying.
I just wish I could remove them all. I’m finding I want to be there for her as much as I want to be there for my son. I get it now, buddy, I silently tell Jed, even as I lean back against the tree trunk with Kara in my arms while we talk about Maris bringing Kevin back to Ketchikan. Then I burst out laughing.
“What is it?” Kara asks.
“Do you really think they’re still doing the trick where the guy runs on the log in the water and falls on it looking like he crushed his nuts every single show?” I muse rhapsodically.
Kara snickers. “Only if there’s a god, Jennings. Because that was the funniest part of the show when you used to…”
Suddenly the back door flies open. Kevin comes running out. Kara tenses and moves to slide off my lap, but I don’t let her. “Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad!”
I call back, “Hey, son!” as Kevin races across the grass. “So your mom and I were wondering about the Lumberjack Show. Now that you’ve seen it twice, what was your favorite part?”
“Totally when the dude lands with his leg spread around the log when he runs on the wet log! Wham! He totally crushed his…”
Kara screeches with delight even as I cut our son off by calling back, “I know what happens.” All too well, unfortunately, I think ruefully.