Rescue - By Anita Shreve Page 0,36
could tell by the set of her jaw that she was angry. Hell, he was angry.
“I’ll find it,” he said, “so you might as well tell me.”
“Be my guest,” she said.
“What the fuck, Sheila? You’re nursing. It’s like giving Rowan a shot of Jack Daniel’s straight.”
“Don’t exaggerate,” she said.
Webster took Rowan from his wife. Sheila’s arms hung empty. After a few seconds, she stood and slipped behind him. She slid her feet into her boots.
Rowan, ripped from the breast, started crying. She began to flail, revving up for a good one.
“Now look what you’ve done,” Sheila said.
“What I’ve done?” Webster asked. “What I’ve done? How long has this been going on? Sheila, I need to know.”
“I don’t have to explain myself to you.”
“Yeah, you do. It’s my baby who’s been sucking on whiskey.”
“Your baby.”
“Our baby.”
“Oh good, I thought maybe I was the wet nurse.”
“Sheila, stop this.”
She walked out into the living room, and Webster followed. He watched as Sheila picked up her purse.
“Oh, Christ,” he said. “Where are you going?”
“I don’t know.”
“Don’t go.”
“If I don’t get out of here, I’ll go nuts.”
Webster placed himself between the door and Sheila, Rowan wailing.
“What the hell happened?” he asked. “Everything seemed fine when I left yesterday.”
She faced him, her stare hard. “It’s fucking eight degrees out, and it’s not even November. I can’t take the baby anywhere. She’s been crying all day. This whole thing is a mess. Just a fucking mess. I feel like a trapped lunatic.”
“Everybody feels like that when winter starts. Baby or no baby.”
“But at least you’re out. You’re someplace.”
“Maybe it’s time to think about going back to work,” Webster said.
“I don’t want to go back to work. I just want to…”
Webster felt his blood go cold. “What, Sheila? What is it that you want to do?”
“Get in a car.”
For a time, he couldn’t speak.
“You were my best shot,” Sheila said.
“Best shot at what?”
“Safety. You exude safety, Webster.”
His head spun. Webster shifted the baby in his arms and patted her back to calm her.
“It happened once, OK? I had a drink. You happy now, Mr. EMT? It happened once, and it won’t happen again. And you should take another look at your precious medical books. A mother has a small drink, you know how little gets to the baby? Practically nothing.”
“Where’s the bottle?”
“Rowan needs a change. And she needs to take a nap. And you’re standing in my way.”
She put her hands on him and pushed him to one side. Though he could have stopped her at any time, he stepped away from the door. He thought of telling her not to come back unless she was prepared to stay sober, but he knew the threat to be an empty one.
* * *
After Sheila left, Webster sat on the couch with Rowan. Had Sheila really picked him out as her best chance in life? The thought sickened him. Didn’t she love him as he did her? Hadn’t they fallen into their life together?
Or were Sheila’s words merely tossed out in the heat of the moment? Would she come home and take them back?
When Rowan began to squirm and cry again, Webster fetched the pink diaper bag from the bedroom and selected what he needed. He laid his daughter on the pad on the coffee table to change her. She smiled as if he were tickling her. Though Rowan might have sensed the tension in the air, she’d never know what her mother and father had said to each other. Sheila’s words were pebbles at the bottom of his stomach.
After he changed his daughter, he put her into her yellow pajamas. He sat for a moment in a kitchen chair, holding her, making faces and clucking.
Had Sheila deliberately gotten pregnant because he was her best shot? Who would do that? But then Webster thought about the confusion over the contraception the first time they’d been together. He shut his eyes. The night under the .9 moon had been a precious memory for him.
Sheila wanted to break the rules. OK, fine. But Webster could change the rules.
He struggled to get Rowan into her light blue snowsuit. Sheila had left the car seat at the foot of the stairs. Webster held Rowan’s face close to his chest to protect her tender skin. He put the car seat in the cruiser. After he strapped her in, he walked around to the front seat, sat down, and put the key in.
He turned to look at his daughter, but all he could see was a