stood, and held it out, with trembling hands, to Brad's mother. There was a moment's hesitation as their eyes met and held, and then the older woman took it from her, saying not a single word of thanks. She handed it to Greg and then turned and walked away, her face concealed by a black veil as Serena watched her.
Teddy drove Serena and Vanessa home after that and he glanced at his sister-in-law as she blew her nose.
“Why did you do that?” She knew he meant the flag. “You didn't have to.”
“She's his mother.” Her eyes filled with tears as they met his, and suddenly she put her head on his shoulder and she sobbed. “Oh, God, what am I going to do without him?” He stopped the car and then took her in his arms and held her as Vanessa watched them.
30
“Serena?” He came up softly behind her as she sat in the fog in the garden, listening to the foghorns. In the past week she had become a kind of ghost—a haunted person. It was painful to see, as if she were slipping away.
“Yes?”
“You've got to be all right, Serena. You have to.”
“Why?” She looked at him blankly.
“For me, for yourself, for Vanessa …” His own eyes filled with tears. “For Brad.”
“Why?”
“Because you have to, dammit.” He wanted to shake her. “If you fall apart, what will happen to that child?”
“You'll take care of her, won't you?” She looked suddenly desperate, and with a sigh he nodded.
“Yes, but that's not the point. She needs you.”
“But will you?” Her eyes searched his face and they both remembered the paper. “If I die, will you take care of her?”
“You won't die.”
“I want to.”
He shook her then. “You can't.” And with that, they both heard a little voice from the doorway.
“Mommy, I need you.” She had had a bad dream, and at the sound of her voice Serena began to awake from hers. The following week Teddy helped Serena find an apartment, and she packed up all of their beautiful things and moved to Pacific Heights. It was a two-bedroom flat with a view of the bay, which she could just manage on her pension, and if they wanted to eat too, she realized that she was going to have to get a job.
“Maybe I should go downtown and start selling my body?” She looked cynically at Teddy and he did not look amused. But the thought, however sarcastic, sparked an idea for Serena, and the next day she went downtown and inquired at all the large department stores. By noon the next day she had been hired, and she returned to tell Teddy that she was employed. “I got a job today.”
“Doing what?” He worried about her all the time. She had been through so much, the loss of her husband, her baby, her home. How much could she stand? He asked himself that question often.
“As a model for seventy-five dollars a week.”
“And who will take care of your daughter?”
“I'll find someone.” There was a look of determination on her face as she said it. She refused to be beaten by life, no matter how hard it tried to defeat her. She had survived the loss of her parents, and the war. Now Brad. But she was determined to get through it. For Vanessa.
He shook his head. “I don't want you to do that. I want you to let me help you.” But she wouldn't. She had found a job, and she was going to support them. If it killed her, she was going to make it. She owed that much to Brad. It had been only three weeks since he had been killed in Korea, and now the United States was at war —it was as if her private war was becoming public.
She looked at Teddy now in sudden fear. “How soon are you going back to New York?” She knew he was due to start his internship in August and it was almost July. But he was shaking his head slowly.
“I'm not.”
“You're staying?” For a moment she looked thrilled.
“No.” He took a deep breath. He had been dreading telling her. “I enlisted in the Navy. I want to go to Korea.”
“What?” She screamed the word at him and unconsciously grabbed his shirt. “You can't do that! Not you too …” She began to sob quietly as she clutched him and he pulled her into his arms with tears in his own eyes.