Regretting You (Blackthorn Elite #4) - J.L. Beck Page 0,36
ignore my problem than help me.
There is always the option of transferring somewhere else, but I doubt that would happen midway through the semester. I may just have to deal with Jackson for a little while longer. I can do my best to avoid him and hope for the best.
The next morning, I get up early and meet my parents at a local diner near campus. I’m both happy and sad that they’re leaving today. Happy because my dad hates me, but sad because they are still my family, and at least my mom pretends to care about me.
When I walk into the diner, I find them sitting at a horseshoe-shaped booth. They’ve ordered coffee already, and one for me as well.
“Good morning, sweetie,” Mom greets as I slide into the booth, taking the seat beside her. Dad doesn’t even look up from the paper he’s reading. I really don’t want to react; I just want to push my anger toward him down, but I’m tired of being treated like garbage every time he sees me. I’m still his daughter.
“I ordered you a coffee, eggs, bacon, and toast with strawberry jam. I hope that’s okay.”
I nod and pour some cream and sugar into my coffee, stirring it with the spoon. Taking a sip of the coffee, I let it warm me all over before I set the mug down.
“Are you feeling better today?”
“Yes.” It’s the truth. I’m feeling much better today, but only because I cut myself last night. I always feel better afterward. It’s like I’m cleansing myself when I do it.
“Good. We stayed for a little while longer and then went back to our hotel. Trish and Ken were sad that you left without saying goodbye. I told them you weren’t feeling well.”
Taking another sip of my coffee, I try not to feel guilty for walking out without even saying goodbye. They poured their hearts out to me, told me they loved me and missed me, and I disappeared to use the bathroom, and never came back.
“Personally, I’d prefer if you kept your distance from them. We just got settled into this new place. I don’t want the past to get brought up all over again,” Dad adds, finally glancing up from the paper. He doesn’t look at me as he speaks though, more like through me, as if I’m not even there. I curl my hand into a fist beneath the table.
“Trish wants to have lunch, surely that isn’t dangerous,” I mock.
“I don’t care if it’s dinner, lunch, or a party. I don’t want you spending any time with them. You killed their daughter with your underage drinking and driving. You’re lucky we knew the judge. Otherwise, you would be in prison right now.” And there it is. He always finds a way to bring me down, to make me feel lower than dirt.
Looking away, I say, “I’m starting to think I would rather be in prison.”
“Oh, stop it, sweetie,” Mom interjects, obviously, trying to defuse the situation. “Everything is looking up. Plus, you seem to be doing well at Blackthorn. College is just what you needed.”
“Yeah, about that…” I fiddle with my silverware. “I was wondering if maybe there was another option. Maybe a different school I could attend. I like Blackthorn, but I’m…”
I don’t even get to finish before my father interrupts, “You’re so goddamn ungrateful. First, we make sure you don’t end up in prison and help you so you can afford to attend this school, and then you ask if we can find you somewhere else to go.”
“Travis,” Mom scolds, her cheeks turning red.
“Don’t bother, Mom. I don’t know why Dad doesn’t admit that he’s ashamed to have me as his daughter. He’ll never let go of what I did. He’ll always hold it over my head, reminding me of how shitty of a person I am.”
“Kennedy,” she says, sighing. I can see how torn she is. She’s being tugged in both directions, but I don’t need my mom to take my side. I know I fucked up, but I don’t need to be reminded of it every day.
Scooting out of the booth, I can see my mother wants to reach for me, but I shake my head at her. “I’m going home. You guys don’t have to come here anymore. Clearly, Dad doesn’t want to see me, and I’m done feeling like shit. Done being treated like this. I know what I did was wrong. I know I fucked up, but I