awkward dinner, and I couldn’t imagine how much more awkward things would be if my other guys were here, too. Dante and Vaughn, my two dark demons, one who knew how to play nice and one who just barely contained the monster within. And then there was Archer. With everyone at the table knowing what had happened, I bet he’d be crawling in his skin at this dinner table, too.
For a few moments, I could pretend this was normal. That the three other people sitting at the table were my family. They were, in a way, my Midpark family, the ones who were on my side, no matter what, the people who would do anything to keep me safe.
Alas, life had other things in store for me.
Chapter Nineteen – Archer
Who knew taking things slow would actually mean taking things slow? Jaz and I texted all the time, but it wasn’t the same as talking with her, as being near her, watching her, listening to her laugh and losing what little I had of myself these days in her. I knew why we had to take things slow; it wasn’t like Jaz and I had a baggage-free past. We had been through a lot, both together and separately, so moving slowly when it came to each other made sense.
And, of course, taking into consideration the rest of Midpark, it made even more sense to only be amicable in public with each other. I could not imagine the gossip that would fly if everyone knew Jaz and I were together. If the truth got out and our relationship was made public, they’d crucify her.
Or worse.
And when it came to me…well, I didn’t really care what they thought of me. I never did. Every decision I’d ever made wasn’t to protect myself; it was to shield my mother, to help her. Nothing was ever about me.
Yet I’d made mistakes. So many of them, in fact, when it came to Jaz. None of them I was proud of. Heck, a huge part of me still blamed myself for everything that was happening to her. Deetra and Chelsea…those girls had been Brittany’s best friends for years, her mini-mes and her wannabes. They were gone now, dead, and I knew the town wanted someone to blame.
I’d be damned if that someone was Jaz, and I made sure to tell Detective Wilde exactly what happened at the party. Jaz had been with me the whole time. Though I kept the fact that we’d wandered off and made out for what felt like hours, I did mention to him how his daughter had shown up.
Oh, Detective Wilde hadn’t liked hearing that, and I dare say the questioning ended quite abruptly after I brought Bobbi into it. He didn’t like the thought of her hanging out with Jaz.
You know, I still couldn’t believe they were friends, but I guess I didn’t know everything about Jaz. I wasn’t with her all day, every day. We had one class together, and that was it. It wasn’t nearly enough. If I could change my schedule now, if I could be with her all day, watch her going through the motions, I would. I could never get enough of Jaz.
As the days blurred into weeks, I found myself thinking about my mom a lot, how she’d told me to find my own happiness, like it was that easy. As far as I was concerned, it wasn’t; it never had been, and yet it was something I wanted so desperately right now. To be happy—utterly and truly happy, with no regrets—could I ever be like that?
Frankly, I didn’t think I deserved it, not after messing up so badly. Jaz…I hurt her, in more ways than one, and knowing that hurt me. As wussy as it might sound, my heart ached when I imagined what I put her through, what I did to her and what I let Brittany do to her.
It was one Tuesday afternoon when I texted Jaz and told her to meet me in the back of the school, after the final class of the day let out. I wanted to spend some time with her, to bask in her presence, and to my great relief she told me yes.
One of the science rooms sat empty during the last period of every day, and I was close enough with the other science teachers that I got them to unlock it for me. Told them I’d forgotten something in there earlier, and that